Well, there goes the Planet
by seirios aster
Summary: Massive crossover with Harry Potter, with random people thrown in as demented transfer students and the ever-dangerous role as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. The unsuspecting students of Hogwarts are in for quite a year... DISCONTINUED.
1. The Inhumanity of It All

My first Harry Potter crossover.... I'm still being pretty vague (not really) about with whom the crossover is with... And there might be more than one crossover... But, the crossover might be very unobvious to blatantly obvious. Please forgive all OOC-ness on everyone's part. Except maybe Luna Lovegood. I think I can get conspiracy theory person down good. Well... Enjoy.  
  
It was a especially windy, rainy day, and Harry Potter didn't know whether to take it as a bad omen, or just horrid weather. He and his friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasly, were with Harry, waiting for him to snap out of his daze and come with them to Platform 9 and 3/4.  
  
Harry! Stop being such a spaz! Hermione exclaimed, impatient, We're going to miss the bloody train!  
  
Yes, they were sixth-years now, but neither Ron nor Harry had ever heard Hermione talk like that, so of course Harry came back to reality. Oh, sorry! Hey... Is it just me, or does the weather seem to be telling us something?  
  
Ron piped in, You mean besides the fact that Voldermort's been risen from the dead and Siri--- Ron stopped himself from referring to Harry's godfather. Hermione shot Ron a sharp look, and muttered, Ye gods... What a dolt...  
  
Harry had barely noticed that Ron had said anything remotely upsetting. He sighed. Yeah... I guess you're right... But what about the clouds and the wind? It's awfully strange weather... The sky had turned shades of grey, and the clouds were starting to look more like miniature twisters carving their way across the sky. Ron and Hermione were looking at him like he was bloody insane, and then realized that Harry was right. This weather was anything but normal. But, all the random bystanders seemed to not be flipping out like they should have if they saw what was going on in the heavens.  
  
Hermione spoke first. That's... odd... She checked her watch. Dammit! We're gonna miss the train!  
  
As they started to go through the portal to the Platform, Ron asked Harry, Why the heck is Hermione cussing her brains out? Harry just shrugged, but then added a comment. Maybe it's that time of the month'? Hermione hit him for saying that.  
  
When they crossed over, Hermione sighed in relief. Thank god! The train's still here! However, no one was on it. All of the students were standing on the platform, chattering idlely about how unfair it was to have to get off the train because of the weather. Hermione groaned. And you were right again, Harry... There are odd things afoot.Afoot! You said afoot! Ron said, with a extremely stupid grin on his face. As he said that, a tall student with long hair who was dressed in black walked by and murmmered under his breath, I guess some annoying traits are universal...  
  
Hermione heard the snide comment and giggled uncontrollably. Harry thought that this was one more completely insane occurence happening in the already bizzare day. Ron was also just completely confused. I think he was insulting you, Ron, Hermione said between giggles.  
  
Draco Malfoy, in all his bleached blond hair-itude, walked over to trade the first insults of the year. He was a tad disturbed by Hermione in fits of giggles and Ron standing there clueless, while Harry was embarrased beyond belief. My god, what happened? Have you all become even more of freaks of nature?You know that was just really lame, Ron said, confusion gone. And there's something funky going down with the weather. Hey, since your father's siding with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, you wouldn't happen to know if this was just a scare tactic, would you?  
  
Malfoy paused for a second, then laughed mockingly. Kh, even if this was, what makes you think I'd tell you or Potter or that--- Before Malfoy could finish his sentance, Hermione punched him in the face and knocked him out before he could call her a . Take that, bee-atch! she said, before spitting on Malfoy's unconcious form.  
  
Harry could take no more of this. OK, Hermione, what the hell happened to you over the summer? You're acting like an entirely diferent person!Short version, I discovered video games. Long version, I discovered video games and the internet, she replied. Oh, I had no clue how much I'd been missing! The technology! The information-super-highway! She got stars in her eyes. Zack?! Did you get a boyfriend?! Ron exclaimed, afraid he'd not have a chance of ever going out with her (not that he had much of one in the first place).  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and explained, No... Zack's only the coolest video game character EVER! He's, like, perfect! But he liked this totally lame girl, who ended up liking his best friend... THE SHAME! Plus, the stupid anti-hero-slash-completely-evil-psychotic-dude killed him! KILLED HIM! OH, THE INHUMANITY OF IT ALL!  
  
By then, Malfoy had dregained conciousness. He stared at her and then commented upon her rant. My god, she're turning into a rabid fangirl! I guess mudbloods share at least that in common with purebloods... This time, instead of knocking him out, Hermione kneed Malfoy in the crotch, and she left him in pain on the ground. After making Malfoy suffer, she noticed that people were starting to file on the train. We should get going and save a good spot on the train.  
  
Ron and Harry were now thouroughly scared of their friend and decided that it was best just to do what she said. So, they loaded all of their luggage on to the train, and Harry found a place to sit, as Ron and Hermione had to be the Prefects of Gryffindor again this year. Harry took his seat and wondered why he still had such a bad feeling. Obviously, there had been some sort of threat to the students, and they had to be evacuated from the train. Then, the problem was cleared up, and the students were allowed back on. He looked up at the sky again. He hadn't noticed, but it had completely cleared up. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. So why didn't the feeling go away? Was his gut instinct correct, and there was evil afoot? No, he shouldn't use the word afoot. It would set Ron off again. Was evil plotting something, and, if so, what? But was this just some freak accident that happened to happen completely randomly? No, the universe didn't act like that. Even in historical fiction books, nothing happens by coincidence. It's always that abstraction called .  
  
While Harry was staring out the window, Luna Lovegood, Ginny, and Neville had come into the compartment, and took the empty seats. Ginny spoke first. Sorry, Harry, to just barge in like this, but there aren't any seats with anyone we know left. Harry just waved it off. What's wrong? Ginny asked, and she then followed Harry's path of sight. Oh, it's about the weird weather, right?I know what's going on! It's the opening of an interdimensional time portal linking all of the many worlds in the universe together! Luna exclaimed. Neville, who had been sitting next to her, scooted a little farther away.  
  
First of all, yes, I was a little disturbed by the weather, but even more so by Hermione's behavior. Second of all, that's a ridiculous idea, but yeah, I sorta feel like it was a sign of impending doom. Harry sighed.  
  
Neville decided to change the subject and spoke excitedly. You know what the rumor going around is? There are foreign exchange students! I bet that was the reason why they had to shut the train down for a while! Maybe the exchange students are royalty or something!Or they're aliens from another planet trying to take over the world! Luna cried. After she said that, Ginny had an almost irresistable urge to hit Luna on the head to try to straighten her out. Ginny decided against that, since hitting Luna might make her worse than she had been before.  
  
I heard that it was just randomly weird weather and technical difficulties on the train, Ginny added.  
  
The incident with the guy that Hermione had erupted into fits of giggles about suddenly came back to the front of Harry's mind. Had the guy been the cause of the strange weather and the train not working? Or was he some hot shot foreign exchange student that needed to have special protection? ...I remember seeing this one guy with Hermione and Ron right before we got on the train... Maybe he was an exchange student...  
  
Luna was suddenly interested. Really? Was there anything strange about him? Did he seem to not be of this earth? Ginny felt the urge again.  
  
No, but I think he called Ron an idiot. At least, that's what I think he said to set Hermione off like that...Ron's been getting that a lot lately... So what did this mysterious guy look like? Ginny asked.  
  
I didn't get a close look, besides seeing that he was about 6'1, had long hair, and was wearing black.  
  
Neville realized he'd seen the myserious exchange student, too. I saw that guy, too! But, I thought he had to be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, since he looked a little too old to be a student.Now that you mention it, I see where you're coming from, but he looked a little too evil to be teaching us how to defend ourselves against evil. Besides, he looked like he knew where he was going, as if to meet someone. Not the whole, Oh my god, I'm gonna be late for my first day!' jitters. Plus, I'd think that every DADA teacher knows how insane this school is by now.Haven't we gone through 5 teachers in 5 years? Ginny asked.  
  
I still say they were abducted by aliens and everything's just a coverup. This guy also sounds like he's some sort of government agent posing as a student to bust a secret undercover society of students following He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, Luna commented, finally able to squeeze a reply in.  
  
Hermione and Ron had just walked in for long enough to hear Luna's conspiracy theory. Hermione was, of course, skeptical. So... That guy that looked one hell of a lot like--- Hermione suddenly realized who he looked like. Hm... I like your theory better than mine.  
Luna was happy to hear that, but wanted to know Hermione's take on things. Who does he look like? Some famous wizard or witch? A legendary dragon slayer? A magic code writer? An international spy?  
  
Hermione remembered why she was always took everything Luna said with a teaspoon of salt. You've been reading one too many spy novels. And, no. the guy I'm thinking of is a mass murderer who killed...someone... She trailed off, and spoke more quietly. ...that I think is really cool.  
  
Ron caught the second half of Hermione's argument, and then added his imput. Oh, so, it's the guy in that video game you were talking about that killed that one guy, Zack', I think it was. Hermione glared at him. Harry thought about sneaking out to avoid the possibility of WWIII. Ginny was thinking, and she was pretty sure she had heard that name before recently. Neville remained as confused as ever, and Luna got a omniscient look on her face. Ah, discovered video games, have you, she said in a Yoda-like voice.  
  
Hermione's face turned a little red. Yeah... But the odd thing is that I was still able to finish reading all of my textbooks. Ron coughed, before Hermione continued. Wait... How do you know about video games?Reading fanfiction is fun. She grinned. Zack's your favorite character? Personally, if I'd have to choose someone from that video game, I'd choose Mr. Dark, Tall, and Handsome... Which is who you think that the exchange student is. I really like your idea better than mine... But I just hope he doesn't do anything hasty, like casting the ultimate destruction magic.  
  
Ginny suddenly realized what she had overheard. Hey, I think I overheard a coversation between that one guy and possibly another exchange student! One of them said something like, Why do I have to go to a magic school? I already know magic! Plus that stupid, annoying blond kid's going to be here too... Dammit, I just wish I'd killed him the firts time I met him, Zack.' And then another guy, who was probably Zack', replied, Well... You were the one that went psycho and tried to kill everyone...  
  
While, Hermione then thought that over for a second, Harry thought that the year just got a trillion times worse. They all sat in silence for a moment until Hermione and Luna shrieked, OMG! THIS IS SO AWESOME!What's so awesome about going to school with a mass murderer and murderee? Ron asked.  
  
Ron, please stop making words up, Harry asked, as the two girls continued jumping for joy.


	2. He's doing the Superman thing again

Whoo hoo! Second chapter! You get to find out some of who's gonna be tortured---I mean taught and teaching---in this chapter that you didn't know already! Be afraid. Be very afraid.  
  
How'd I get recruited for this? Princess Leia asked to no one in particular. Although she wasn't really talking to anyone, one of the other two people in the cabin she was sitting in replied.  
  
Aren't you suppos'd to be $&$& respectable or some #$#$ thing? Cid Highwind replied. Leia glared at him, then rolled her eyes. This was already a long day, and Cid was making it worse. First of all, she hated trains. Absolutely hated trains. Second of all, she was supposed to introduce the exchange students to the school and she still hadn't come up with a good speech. Third of all, the reason she hadn't been able to think of anything was that the stupid idiot known as Rikku had been intent on yapping away while they were getting to the train station. Now Cid was giving her a hard time.  
  
The other person in the cabin could have been mistaken for any of the various creatures of the darkness, but was just a human. However, that doesn't mean he didn't act like a vampire. Sort of. Could you keep it down? I'm trying to atone, Vincent Valentine asked before falling asleep again.  
  
Yet another reason Leia hated her job. She has to deal with all sorts of weirdoes. Not that she could really call them weird, but there were some exceptions. Like Vince. But there was nothing she could do about that (at least nothing that didn't involve the dark side of the Force), so she just got out her laptop computer and started to type.  
  
Cid wasn't exactly a happy camper either. He didn't do anything except just stand there while he got recruited for this nonsense . Heck, if he hadn't been standing there, someone else might have taken his place. But, no. He just had to have been trying to get Vince to laugh at something, and both of them had been recruited to be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Not that he knew much about magic. That was more Vince's field of knowledge. Or Aeris. Regardless, Leia had no right to be complaining. At least _she_ got to leave after a day or so. Cid had to stay the entire year. The worst part for him, though, was that he really disliked kids. Especially hyper ones. Including certain ninja, SeeDs, or Al Bhed.  
  
Could you be a little quieter? You're thinking too loud. I can't concentrate. Cid glared at Leia. Like he he was gonna think quieter. What kind of &$ up request was that? God, the nerve of some people. Please? I really can't concentrate. Ok, the Princess was really starting to get annoying. Either he wanted to kill her or he just wanted her to shut up. Or even better, stop reading his mind.  
  
Vince started talking in his sleep. Not that either of the other two passengers in the compartment really gave a rat's ass. They had started a shouting match. After about five minutes of this, a prefect that was a few cabins down walked over and asked them to be a little quieter. Both apologized, and the prefect walked away.  
  
That was all you're fault! Both Leia and Cid yelled at each other. Before either could for a retort, Vince yelled at them from inside the compartment, SHUT THE &$ UP!  
  
Other prefects had heard the renewed fighting match and had thought that some students were making the racket. The original prefect decided to let the others take care of it. Among the people to arrive were Hermione and Ron. To their surprise, it had not been students, but older people.  
  
Are you the new Defence Against the Dark Arks teachers? Hermione asked, a little intrigued. Both of the people standing outside the hall looked oddly familiar. And not just vaguely, but really, really freaking familiar.  
  
Leia laughed a bit. No. He is. She pointed at Cid and then went back into the compartment to work on the speech. Vince was glaring at her the entire time she walked back in. She just glared back, and then went to work.  
  
Cid said under his breath. Yes, I am one of the DADA teachers this year. The other is taking a nap in there. Cid pointed to the door. Or, as he likes to call it, atoning'. I just say he's a $$& lazy ass. By that point, all of the prefects that had come were staring at Cid like he was insane. O.K.... I'm going now... Cid then went back into the cabin, only to find that a printer had taken his seat. He and Leia did some more glaring. After he realized that the printer wasn't going to move, he just took a seat on the floor, since Vince was probably going to turn into Chaos if Cid tried to sit on Vince's side of the cabin.  
  
Meanwhile, all of the prefects were a little confused by what they had just witnessed, and had since grabbed a cabin to discuss the events. There was a woman that wasn't the DADA teacher arguing with a guy that was one of the DADA teachers. Neither of them got along with the other. Deranged hypothesis started to develop.  
  
I got it. They're lovers! Malfoy decided. Luckily, both Cid and Leia were out of hearing distance. Otherwise, Malfoy would have not necessarily been still breathing after he said that.  
  
Hermione looked at Malfoy like he was a complete nincompoop. Yeah, so I guess because they seemingly hate each others guts, they must be lovers. Right. All of the prefects thought for a bit, and Ron started to say something, but all the others cut him off. An idea then hit a prefect from Ravenclaw. What if she's a relative of one of the teachers...? Or the exchange students? Or a teacher from their old school?  
  
Hermione couldn't contain herself. She knew that this had to be the solution. Yeah! I bet you're right! She's probably a teacher from the exchange student's last school! After uttering those words, Hermione wondered why she had thought that. The lady didn't look anything like anyone from FFVII, so why would she think that the lady would know Zack or Sephiroth? She then realized that it wasn't the woman she recognized as from FFVII, but the teacher. Their teacher was Cid Highwind. Cid. The one that uses the most explicative in the entire game. Even more than Barret. And he smokes. And drinks. Oh, they weren't learning anything this year in DADA. Unless the other teacher had a working head on his or her shoulders, but as the year was turning out, that was becoming less and less of a possibility. Still. Cid Highwind. As a teacher. It's so ridiculous that it's laughable.  
  
All the other prefects were wondering what Hermione was thinking. She seemed to be deep in thought. Then Hermione started laughing. The rest of the prefects wondered what the heck was Hermione on. Ron, connecter of the dots, decided to make a stab at the cause of the laughter. Hey... Do you recognize that lady to be someone from the same place as The prefects decided that Ron was just blabbering nonsense, and ignored him, until Hermione replied.  
  
Hell, no! I know who the guy is! Who knows where or who the heck the woman is from or is! Hermione got up, still chuckling, and headed to the door. I've got to tell Luna about this...! She continued laughing as she walked back to the cabin Harry and the others were in.  
  
She's been acting like this all day, Ron added, and nodded sagely. Malfoy slapped him upside the head. OW! What was that for?!  
  
For being an idiot. Malfoy hit him again. That was just because you annoy me. Malfoy left. The rest of the prefects left, since there were apparently new problems with other students. So, Ron was left alone in the room, and since he had nothing left to do, he left as well. After a while, a large commotion was heard. Then a roar. And then silence. The prefects decided that it wasn't worth talking to the new DADA teacher and the mystery woman again.  
  
In the luggage area, three girls were bound, gagged, and stuffed in mail parcels. But they still wouldn't be silent. Much to the other people in the luggage area's dismay. Most of them were on the verge of killing the annoying ones, and the all but one of the rest were contemplating suicide. The last person was singing The Song that Gets On Everybody's Nerves with the three annoying ones, and it was getting on everyone's nerves. Oddly enough, though, all of them looked somewhere in the age range of 16-17.  
  
Zack, I swear to God, if you don't shut the hell up, I'll kill you when I find Masamune. Sephiroth was obviously pissed. And with good reason. Not only were Selphie, Rikku, and Yuffie being annoying (with Zack's help), but he was wedged between Cloud and Aeris. That wasn't exactly Sephiroth's idea of a good time. It wasn't Cloud or Aeris' idea of a good time either, but they were literally stuck with it. Seriously, they were stuck between too much luggage because Neo, one of the currently loose morons, had knocked some luggage over, trapping Sephiroth, Cloud, and Aeris. Why don't you do something productive, like trying to catch Neo or something? Even Rufus decided to do some physical exercise and chase the idiot.  
  
He was just following Tifa. Cloud decided to correct Sephiroth just to annoy him. Aeris was thoroughly tired of being harassed in this way. The two idiots had been at each others throats the entire time, and it seemed there was no end in sight. Then the unthinkable happened. Sephiroth blinked a few times, and then replied. Oh! So that's why he was staring at Tifa's ass...  
  
Zack was in shock. Oh my god! You're actually not yelling at each other for once! For that comment, he got two glares. OK... I'm shutting up... Actually, I'm gonna go look for Neo... Zack scampered off, but the three amigos were still singing. Badly.  
  
You know, if this keeps going on, I think I'll have to summon Meteor. Aeris slapped Sephiroth. No summoning ultimate destruction spells on other people's Planets! Sephiroth just stuck his tongue out at her. Cloud tried to keep from laughing, but was failing. Aeris hit him with a paper fan, and he shut up. Sephiroth the checked what materia he had on him.   
  
What did you do? Forget Meteor? Cloud asked, and then got a puzzled look on his face. Oh, wait... Nevermind... I think I hid it.... So what materia are you looking for? Aeris went over her OMG, my boyfriend and his arch nemesis are such morons speech in her head again, for the umpteenth time on this trip.  
  
No, Choco-boy! I'm looking for Ultima! Do you have it? To stress his point, he hit Cloud with some luggage. Aeris noticed that the singing had stopped, and she started to talk to Selphie, who seemed to be the most sane of the other five in the vicinity. Oh, was she wrong.  
  
No, I don't have Ultima! ...I think Vince does. He has Comet too. I have Knights of the Round, but besides the fact that that would kill practically everything in the vicinity, it's attached to Ultima Weapon. I do have Ice and Bolt on me, though. Cloud checked, just in case. Yeah. I have those two... And... Chocobo Lure?! I thought Tifa was using that!  
  
Where's Ultima Weapon? Sephiroth was a little irked, and had the feeling he was talking to a simpleton. Aeris had moved on to trying to figure out which of the remaining four people in the immediate area was the most sane. She quickly eliminated Yuffie, and then Rikku, when the three in mail bags decided to try to play Twister. That only left Cloud and Sephiroth. Well, that decision was going to take the rest of the train trip.  
  
Before Aeris could start the debate with herself, a somewhat nauseous-looking Jedi walked back into the rat's nest of luggage. I think I'm gonna barf, Luke said. Dammit! I hate trains!  
  
Hey, Skywalker! Could you get Masamune for me? Sephiroth implored. Luke wasn't quite that stupid, and just stared at Sephiroth like he was asking a really stupid question. Aeris made up her mind who was the most sane there besides her: Luke.  
  
How's the Neo catching doing? Cloud asked. Luke glanced at Rikku, Selphie, and Yuffie, and put their voices on mute before replying. He didn't need a headache on top of the nauseousness, and realized that Sephiroth was most likely going to take them out, and was only half thinking about killing Cloud or Aeris.  
  
Neo's doing the Superman thing again. He's outside, and Squall's the only one that's even thinking about trying to get Neo to come back in. Hopefully, if anyone sees him flying around, they'll think he's a dementor. Hell, Neo's demented and torments everyone within hearing range, so he's pretty much a dementor already.  
  
They all sat in silence for a minute, until Aeris checked what materia she had with her again. Upon realizing she had the Seal materia with her, she started hitting her head against the wall. I'm such an idiot! Gah, Luke, you don't have to keep them shut up anymore, I have the Seal materia with me. Luke glanced her way and back at the others, then Yuffie, Rikku, and Selphie started talking again. Aeris cast Silence on them.  
  
Now for some peace and quiet. Aeris sighed. And then the train stopped. She started crying. That just had to happen when we finally got some peace and quiet, didn't it?!  
  
Yeah, it's just one of those really annoying things that are really never explained... Luke added.  
  
Like how it always seems to rain when you wash your car... Cloud chimed in.  
  
Or how something bad happens when one of you says I have a bad feeling about this' or whatever you say, Sephiroth remarked wryly.  
  
They all just sat there in silence for a while. Could you get this luggage off us now? Aeris asked. I lost feeling in my legs about twenty minutes ago.  
  
Luke wondered what Aeris was talking about, then realized that Cloud, Aeris, and Sephiroth were buried under a mound of luggage. Oh, yeah. Sorry!


	3. I feel so unloved

(I would have written more this time, but I needed to study for a US History test...Plus, this was a great place to end it... Oh, where there's a break between the big chunks of paragraphs, I'll write _ Break _ ok? Well, anyways, enjoy.)  
  
By the time the train stopped, Hermione and Luna, who had resumed their fangirl-ish screaming after the incident with Cid, had finally calmed down about the fact that two of their classmates were Sephiroth and Zack. Harry still didn't understand why that was so cool. He was partial to Ron's perspective on the scheme of things: What was so cool about having a murdering psychopath and one of the aforementioned's victims as classmates? Weren't there enough crazy people at the school already? Then again, Malfoy might get what had been coming to him since who knows how long. If the murdering psychopath named Sephiroth had a temper.  
  
Harry just realized what he had just thought was incredibly stupid. Of course a murdering psychopath would have a temper! Otherwise, he wouldn't be a murdering psychopath! Harry hit himself on the forehead.  
  
Thinking about how insane this year's gonna be? Ginny queried. She giggled a bit as they all collected their luggage to take to the carriages. Well, as they tried to get to their to take it to the carriages. There was a huge hold up, and when a blond, a brunette, and an older looking student with silver hair fell out of the luggage car, backwards, with a rather embarrassed looking blond standing just inside the car, everyone burst out laughing.  
  
The blond still in the train car got down and started to help the three buried under the luggage out. However, he was making little progress since most of the students trampled the pile of luggage that was burying the three. Then a raven-haired young man stepped out and told everyone to freeze, but, at the same time, he had unwittingly cast the spell Freeze as well, and now had three rather put off buried under a pile of frozen luggage.  
  
Hermione and Luna stared wide-eyed at the raven-haired one. God, what the eff's wrong with them? Don't tell me that porcupine-haired guy's Ron always had a knack for saying the wrong things at the wrong time. What? Did I say something wrong? Ron now had two particularly mad fan girls angry at him, but he was lucky that they were more interested at looking at that porcupine-haired guy know also known as Zack, who now was aiding the blond who wasn't trapped under a pile of luggage to disinter their friends from the makeshift avalanche of suitcases.  
  
Hey... Luna... That blond look familiar? Hermione asked. She had the nagging feeling she knew who that guy was too, but couldn't quite put her finger on who he was. I don't think I recognize him from FFVII. Maybe another game?  
  
Hmm... I don't think so. He looks too normal to be from FF or any other RPG I've ever played. While Luna said that, another blonde and another guy with black-brown hair seemingly came over to help their friends out. But they weren't there for that reason. They started ridiculing the second blond's speed of getting rid of the luggage. Eventually, the second blond started yelling at the newcomers in a language that none of the normal (keyword normal) Hogwarts students had ever heard.  
  
Harry was dumbfounded. Ever heard any shred of that language before? It doesn't sound European, African, Australian, Native American or Asian. Heck, it doesn't sound of this Earth!  
  
Ron looked at Harry like he was crazy. Now you're starting to sound like Luna. Not of this Earth.' What's next? A singing dancing mouse with it's own amusement park?! Harry and Hermione decided they had an obligation to all muggles to hit Ron. Only at this school could someone try to say something that they think is so entirely impossible that it actually was possible or did exist.  
  
Hermione and Luna were still trying to figure out who the second blonde was. They had already identified the third blonde as someone from the magical girls genre, but were unable to figure out which one. They were pretty sure it was one with a heart theme, but that didn't really narrow it down too much. The second black or dark brown haired one had been classified as one of those characters with little to no brain capacity, but was still given very dangerous and destructive weapons anyway.  
  
Luna had an idea. Why don't we concentrate on guessing who the three that were buried under the luggage are instead of the blond guy who we're unable to identify? I mean, we know that the silver-haired dude was Sephy-sama, so who would the blond and brunette be? Hermione and Luna stood there thinking for a while, and decided that that was impossible to determine, too. Well, only until they saw the new kids in person.  
  
Ron suddenly had an idea. Wait... If this guy is the evil dude... Who's the good guy...? Is the good guy blond? Cuz, I mean, when those three fell out of the train car, they didn't really look like they were enjoying sitting next to each other... Luna was dumbfounded by Ron. You know, I really wouldn't have expected you to say that. It was way to intelligent... Almost as if Neo had discovered how to get to Emc2 without help. Ginny had no idea why this was funny, but giggled along with Hermione and Luna anyway.  
  
_ Break _  
  
Get me the fuck out from under here! Aeris was practically screaming. She hadn't fallen on any of the guys weird or either of the guys fallen on her in an interesting way, but the two others were arguing worse than they had when they had been stuck together on the train. However, Aeris was drowned out by Luke, who was still yelling at Serena and Neo for not helping.  
  
Cloud turned to look at Aeris. Did you just cuss? Cloud was astonished. Sephiroth noticed the look on Cloud's face, and started to make fun of him for it. It was so easy to turn anything Cloud said into a completely dense statement. Zack heard nothing, though, because he had decided to wear earplugs for the remainder of the trip from the train to the castle, though it seemed that they would never get there.  
  
Squall then came by, with all of their luggage and the rest of the party, and decided to just watch Cloud suffer. It was definitely going to be his only source of amusement for the rest of the year, but Squall didn't feel like complaining because he was perfectly fine with that. Unfortunately, Squall's amusement was cut short as Tifa hit him. Come on! If we just leave them there, we'll never get this bloody year over with! Rufus nodded his head in agreement.  
  
Once Tifa had turned her back, Squall glared at Rufus. You're such a suck up. She's just using you, you know. Rufus laughed. Right... Well, I don't really care. Besides, I'd watch my back if I were you. The Turks are vacationing in the town near this place. Squall decided to be a pain in the ass to Rufus. Well, yeah, but how could they even try to beat me up when they're too busy getting stoned? Rufus just glared. After a minute or two of glaring in silence, Tifa yelled, Now would be a good time to help! Since getting Tifa pissed wasn't exactly a good idea, Squall and Rufus started to help Aeris, Cloud and Sephiroth out from underneath the luggage.  
  
Yuna decided her time would be better spent trying to keep Luke from killing Neo and Serena, but soon realized that it was useless. Rath then joined her watching Neo and Serena making some of the stupidest arguments known to man about why they didn't want to help. One such argument included that they didn't want to help because they didn't want to catch any strange disease from Sephiroth. That was a negated point because they had earlier finished off his food when they were eating breakfast. Before Seph had decided that he was finished. The two idiots had hid in the closet for an hour before everyone had been able to get them to come out. Squall and Cloud had tried to help by getting Yuffie, Selphie, and Rikku high on sugar and caffeine (via pixy sticks in coffee) and setting them loose in the very small closet, but that had only made it worse.  
  
Speaking of the three hyper ones, Squall and Rath had managed to get them all in straightjackets before they got off the train, and were currently looking like a wizard or witch's familiars. By this point, Serena and Neo were starting to argue with each other, and Luke concluded that it was pointless trying to reason with them, and began to help out with the pile of luggage.  
  
A minute later, Tifa helped Aeris out of the mountain of luggage. Just for fun, now that she was free, Aeris kicked Sephiroth for no apparent reason. Ow! What was that for?! Aeris stared at him with a look that said, I dunno, maybe because you KILLED me? rolled her eyes, and then walked out of Sephiroth's line of vision.  
  
Next, Zack's diligent work paid off, and he helped Sephiroth out. Cloud was then the only one left under the luggage. I feel so unloved. Squall couldn't take it anymore, and he started laughing. Oh, shut up, Squall! It's not that funny! Cloud was still pinned down by a few pieces of luggage and decided to get himself out to throttle Squall. He was able to, but tripped over some luggage and fell on his face. There was also a loud cracking sound as luggage fell over back onto Cloud and now Squall as well. Squall stopped laughing and glared at Cloud. Cloud was more concerned with the sound, and the pain in his leg. I think I broke my leg...  
  
Luke was seriously unamused and pretty damn embarrassed that he knew them, but he and Zack helped Cloud and Squall out from under the pile of suitcases. Lo and behold, the cracking sound had been Cloud's leg, which was now bent a way that didn't seem to be all that natural. Remembering some of field medicine, Luke decided it would be a good idea set the break. Zack, guessing at what Luke was going to do, found his CD player and turned up the volume to it's highest level. Cloud noticed Zack getting the CD player. He then addressed Luke. W-what are you gonna do...? Wait... You're not gonna set it are you?! Cloud groaned. Ah, great... Why'd this have to happen to me...? Sephiroth started laughing. Cloud glared at Sephiroth.  
  
After Luke set the bones back into place (and a _very_ loud scream later), Squall offered Selphie's nanchaku to act as a brace. Rikku, who had mysteriously set free, procured some duct tape.  
  
Somehow, I really don't want to know why you carry duct tape with you everywhere... Aeris said to Rikku. Yuna patted her on the back. Sometimes it's better that we don't know. That saying, what was it? Ignorance is bliss'? Is really, really true. Now Aeris really, really didn't want to know. Little did she know, Yuna was just messing with her. She had no clue why that hyper insane cousin of hers carried duct tape around. Nor did she have any intention of ever knowing.  
  
_ Break _  
  
Vince was thoroughly rankled at both Cid and Leia. They hadn't stopped bickering since after he changed back from being Chaos. Now, he was hearing things. There had been some sort of inhuman shriek, and that had further prevented him from atoning. Another thing that had been preventing him from atoning was that the others still hadn't met them at the carriages. Reflecting upon that particular fact, Vince decided that the shriek was probably Cloud. It sounded like Cloud. Now, what would make him scream like that? Vince decided to continue meditating on that question while in the coffin he'd brought.  
  
_ Break _  
  
Everyone who had passed had concluded that either Cid or Leia was in the necromancy or undertaking business. Now, both of them had a reason to be pissed off at Vince. Leia decided to kick the coffin, which caused Vince to sit up rapidly and hit the cover of the coffin. Nice one, Cid commented, and he grinned. She grinned back. Maybe Cid wasn't all that bad. After all, he sort of reminded her of Han. Sort of.  
  
Leia started looking around. Where the hell are they?! As she spoke, Sephiroth walked by rather quickly, looking rather scared. Cid dropped the cigarette he was about to light in surprise. Then a pissed off Aeris walked quickly after him, and there was a loud crash. Aeris then walked back to where Leia, Cid, and the coffin were.  
  
Luke walked over. Sorry we're late, but... He pointed at Cloud. We had some technical difficulties... Squall held up a randomly materialized sign saying ... ... ... ...yeah. Cloud tried to kick Squall with his non-broken leg, missed, lost his balance, and fell over. Luke didn't bother looking to see what had happened. Cloud fell over, didn't he?  
  
Leia replied. They all stood there for a few seconds, and then Leia spoke again. Maybe we should get going? Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Except Vince. He was snoring. Loudly.  
  
God is he embarrassing... Sephiroth commented. Cloud snickered. Shut up. Seph kicked Cloud in the leg. The broken one. Luckily, it didn't break again, but Cloud fell over in pain anyway. Aeris glared at Seph, and went over to help Cloud up. When Aeris had her back turned, Seph stuck his tongue out at her.  
  
Cid hit his head against the side of the train. Leia decided it was a good time to make a snide comment. Well, we know that they'll have no problem acting like immature teenagers. Seph didn't hear, and continued to make faces at Aeris' back. Tifa, on the other hand, was wondering how the hell a guy like that had become a supervillian and then realized that Aeris acted just as immature behind Sephiroth's back, so there was really no point to her train of thought, so with no other applicable response, she sighed.  
  
_ Break _  
  
With the entire group together, they started towards the place where the carriages were. On arriving, the entire group looked in awe at the weird, black, underfed-looking, pegasus-type horse-things. Of course, everyone else stared at them staring at the thestrals, thinking that the exchange students were insane. Of course, little did the others know that some of them could be proclaimed certifiably insane by the State and therefore not held accountable for any of their actions. But, the normal students did not have any of this information, with the exception of Luna and Hermione, so they didn't know that they were having a normal reaction.  
  
As the group of dysfunctionality (who put the in ) was staring at the thestrals in complete astonishment, mostly because apparently no one else realized that the carriages were being drawn by most likely some animals from the hellfire, Harry and company was walking around looking for some carriages to ride in. After Hermione and Luna got in, Harry saw the other group and was instantly happy that he now wasn't certifiably insane about the thestrals. Right before he was about to report this to Ron and Hermione, who were about to say the same thing since they had witnessed Sirius' , Aeris shrieked, Oh my God, they're so cute! and ran over to hug a thestral on an empty carriage right next to Harry, Hermione, Luna, and Ron's. Intrigued by the sound, Luna and Hermione stepped out of the carriage to see Aeris hugging a thestral.  
  
Since Aeris had now traumatized the poor animal, Sephiroth found that it was imperative he ride in that carriage. Aeris was obviously going in that one, too, so Zack decided to go with them because bad things happen when Aeris and Sephiroth are left alone in small places. Cloud was being helped along by Zack, so he went with them by default. He also had wanted to sit with Aeris, though.  
  
Luna then turned to Hermione. Well, we know who the brunette was. They stood there in silence for a few seconds. Wow... Ron was right about who the blond was, then. Ron put on a big grin.  
  
Don't inflate his ego bigger than it needs to be. It might explode and take the little left of his brain along with it... Hermione trailed off. She then glanced at the rest of the group, and noticed a coffin. She pointed Luna in the direction of it. I think I know who the other DADA teacher is... Harry followed their line of sight... to the coffin. He stepped away a bit. Hermione noticed. Oh, don't worry. The guy's not dead... Or a vampire... Just... Weird...  
  
You could say that again, Sephiroth mumbled under his breath, as he passed them to get into the carriage. He put a slightly long case inside the carriage. To most students, they thought that it was some strange musical instrument that needed to be handled with care. To Hermione and Luna, it practically screamed Look at me! I'm a six foot long sword named Masamune! Oh, did I mention that my master's one hell of a crazy bastard?  
  
Luke and Rath had been (much to their displeasure) grouped with Serena and Neo for the duration of the carriage ride. Well, there went their plan for getting some rest. Leia then grouped Yuna with the three insane ones. And for doing so, apologized profusely. Then slipped her a $1000. The only ones remaining were Squall (now who's unloved?), Tifa, Rufus, and the three . Unfortunately, there was only one carriage left without anyone in it. It suddenly became a race. Tifa, Leia, Rufus, and Cid made it there first. Dark Nation, Rufus's cat-leopard thing who had been on a leash, then lazily walked over Squall, who had tripped on (aka Rufus' foot) and fell face first into the mud. Just to make a point, Dark Nation jumped on Squall's head before stepping off of him. Little did the cat know, Squall had just declared war on it, and this war would take priority over laughing at Cloud or plotting how to get rid of Seifer. He would get his revenge... Oh yes, he would get his revenge. And this is the point at which lightning should strike and there would be maniacal laughter, but Squall had some problems with the laughter since his face was in the dirt and there was only a light sprinkling of rain.  
  
Malfoy, who had witnessed the entire incident and was quite repulsed at making friends with a , decided to let Squall ride with him and his goonies, but only because he dig up some dirt on the exchange students. He walked over to Squall, who was having some problems with the vacuum powers of mud, and helped him up. Then, with a completely straight face, said, Need a ride?  
  
Squall, since he was not blond and therefore exponentially smarter than most cliché blonds are characteristically, was distrustful and suspicious of Malfoy. Thanks... That would be really great... Squall glanced over at the coffin, and remembered Vincent. If he left Vince there, no one would realize until the year was over. I, uh, need some help with the coffin, though.  
  
Malfoy and his goons were taken aback by this comment, but Malfoy was the only one that didn't show it. He snapped his fingers, and the goons picked up the coffin and strapped it to the roof of the carriage. What an odd thing to carry around... Malfoy decided to chance it. May I ask what's in it?  
  
Squall decided to make his mark on this school. Or at least Slytherin. Hell, just on Malfoy was good enough. Nothing really. Just some body. Sephiroth was gonna get a kick outta that...


	4. It was a nice day for Zack

(Yeah, it's a really long chapter this time. It took about seven hours to write, so it should be. Anyway, there are some Japanese words used later on as fake last names of some characters, and I've decided to give you a key now: means as an adjective, means , and and you can just look up since I shouldn't be saying either in a PG rated fic. But the first is the second word plus in English.)  
  
So you're saying that the coffin has a body in it?! Draco was more than taken aback. Maybe it would have been smarter to have just left the brown-haired exchange student face down in the mud.  
  
Why wouldn't it? It is a coffin, after all. The exchange student seemed to be more than amused, but was hiding it very well. Draco doubted Crabbe or Goyle were picking up on that. The idiots probably thought that there was a vampire in the coffin. Wait, what if it was a vampire?! What if the exchange student was a vampire?! Wait, he couldn't be a vampire. The guy didn't look crazy enough, but the scar on his face was a little odd. The exchange student smirked. Got you, didn't I? There's not a dead body in the coffin. Mr. Valentine's just a little... interesting... If you get my meaning. He absolutely hates sunlight, hates garlic, transforms into various creatures when pissed off, he looks pretty weak but can kick some serious ass, his eyes are red, he's pretty cold, he's pyrophobic, and if you drop poppy seeds on the ground, he has this weird urge to pick every single one up individually. He's a little obsessive compulsive in that respect. He also likes to sleep in coffins. He likes to call it atoning, but everyone knows he's just lazy...  
  
Draco was officially scared of the person in the coffin. Maybe the exchange student was just being a trickster or something. Just because the person described a vampire didn't mean that the person was one... Hopefully. Whatever the case, the exchange student seemed to be completely enjoying the effect of his words on the other people in the carriage. Draco decided to confront the student about the others. So, aside from the possible vampire, what are the other exchange students like? The now mysterious student (who seemed a little sadistic) cracked a smile.  
  
Well... There's the blonds, the brown haired ones, and the black haired ones... Oh, and Other'. Who do you wanna know about...? Wait, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Squall Leonheart. I'm just guessing, but you don't happen to be Draco Malfoy, do you? Draco was obviously disturbed that this guy knew his name without ever seeing him before, but then realized that he was rather famous. Squall could tell the others in the carriage were officially unhinged by his oration. No, I'm not psychic, or psychopathic for that matter (although some of my acquaintances are). Anyway, back to what I was saying, who do you want to know about?  
  
Draco realized that this might be a good ally to have. Maybe he affected his friends in the same way he affected Draco and his goonies. Hm... Who are the easiest to talk about?Most of the blonds. Excluding Choco-boy. And someone else. But, the rest are pretty simple. Literally. Anyway, starting off the blonds are the insane Al-Bhed girl and the air headed school girl. The former acts like a monkey and the latter never acts like a princess but is annoying as hell and refuses to help with anything. Both are on a permanent sugar high. Neither have a weak point that's easily exploited.  
  
But, if you want to piss most of us off, all you have to do is call any machines . It also annoys anyone who has ever played FFX, most likely. And Mr. Highwind. He hates it. He also cusses a lot. It's fun to discuss stuff with him. You usually get side tracked, and he starts cussing about whatever. It's even more fun when he's in a bar and its Happy Hour. Anyway, Mr. Highwind's the blond guy who smokes a lot. I think he got in an argument with Ms. Organa on the train. At least, that's what Luke said it sounded like, and he's generally right about those things.  
  
Anyway... You know the guy that was trying to help the three that were buried under the luggage? Malfoy nodded. He's... just, well... him, but don't dis his father. That's one of the few things he has a temper about, and bad things happen when he gets pissed.  
  
Last blond is Choco-boy. ...Yeah. He's a lovesick idiot. The girl he likes is the brunette he was following around. You know, the one that traumatized the thestral? Malfoy nodded again. I just don't like Choco-boy. He's an idiot... Wait! I forgot Rufus... Oh well, there's nothing to really say about him... He's just a simpleton with an evil cat.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
Rufus sneezed, which caused Dark Nation jumped up and scratched him. Tifa laughed. Cid thought this gag was already completely overused since he had just sneezed a few seconds ago, which had caused Dark Nation to scratch him too. Leia was having the time of her life because she finally had enough peace and quiet to listen to her favorite rock band: AC/DC.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
Squall was having the time of his life too, since he was creeping out Malfoy and the goonies. Of course, it was pretty fun to slam Cloud and Rufus behind their backs. And the whole vampire thing with Vince was seriously hilarious. Especially since everything he said was true. Except maybe the poppy seed thing. That wasn't necessarily true, but Tifa had said once that Vince had actually done that. Of course, he and Tifa had just finished reading Bram Stoker's Dracula while they were on the train, so that was a little questionable. Squall also wondered if Malfoy had picked up on the fact that he had called Vince Mr. Valentine and Cid Mr. Highwind instead of the names, trying to hint that they were the teachers. But, after all, this guy was a blond. However Squall couldn't tell if he was a cliché blond or not.  
  
Malfoy was starting to look a little agitated, but Squall knew that he was going to ask more about the others. Well, the blonds seem to be... colorful... Squall was very happy that he could control his own emotions. Unfortunately, Vince was having some problems. Squall could hear some faint laughing. The goons were getting scared all over again.  
  
They're nothing compared to Seph---I mean Seth. Squall couldn't believe that he had almost slipped. Even in the backwater worlds, Sephiroth's name was pretty well known. To some at least. To be more specific, anyone even associated with evil. Meaning Dark Nation knew very well. Aside from the fact that Dark Nation was Rufus Shinra's pet, and therefore would know Sephiroth anyway.  
  
Well, continuing... The people with brown hair are normal and we aren't really worth talking about. Except the other two cohorts of the crazy Al Bhed girl. They are more of the same as her, but one's a thieving kleptomaniac and the other likes a certain blond who's favorite food is hot-dogs. Also, Choco-boy's girlfriend is in this category. She's pretty normal, but has a vendetta against Seth'. And Rufus likes Tifa, but she's just using him. He knows, but doesn't want to admit it. Poor fool... Not. Malfoy was staring at him like Squall was in need of psychological help. I don't like Rufus' cat. It's _evil_.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
It was the third time Serena and Neo had gone through 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, and Luke was almost on his last nerve. Rath, however, was thinking about how useful their horrible singing would be in a war. Yes, the enemy would instantly know you were there, but they would be driven insane by the singing and most likely surrender faster. Broadcasting it over a loudspeaker and radioed in from a remote location would be even better. But, there would then be a very large expense for earplugs.  
  
...44 bottles of beer on the wall... Neo was singing horrible off key. Serena was off key too, but they were off key in different keys. The thestrals were starting to get spooked by the ethereal . As was everything else in the area. Luke knew he was going to snap after a few more minutes if this racket continued.  
  
Shut the hell up! Serena and Neo stopped and stared at Luke. He stared back. Rath decided that there would now be silence for the rest of the ride if the staring contest continued. _If _they were lucky.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
Yuna had been the smartest of the group. She had brought earplugs and reading material. It didn't matter that the other three in the carriage were talking nonstop about absolutely nothing. She was off in another world. Plus, she was $1000 richer. All she had to do was make sure she didn't fall asleep. If she did, there was no telling what Rikku, Selphie, and Yuffie would do, but it probably involved permanent markers... and Rikku's duct tape.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
The second to last category is the idiot hacker, the goof ball SOLDIER, and the vampire-like one. Draco somehow still wanted to know about the strange people that Squall was talking about. There couldn't possible be anything weirder than he had heard during the carriage ride so far. The idiot hacker is friends with the air head blond girl. They fight like hell and have horrible singing voices. They're some of the most feared people in the universe. Draco wasn't liking how the monologue was going now. But... It's only because they're some of the most clueless people ever. The hacker's girlfriend's afraid to go out in public with him because she's afraid he'll do something so stupid, she'd have to deny knowing him. And then pick him up at the police station later with a paper bag over her head.  
  
The next is the goof ball. He used to be Choco-boy's girlfriend's boyfriend. He occasionally says something worth listening to, but sometimes makes equally stupid comments. He's also the only person that can even marginally keep the peace between Choco-boy and I've already gone over Mr. Valentine, but, trust me, he's not really a vampire. He doesn't really age and does look and act somewhat like the undead, but he's not a vampire. He just likes to sleep a lot and make snide comments about Choco-boy's complete obliviousness to how women act.  
  
Goyle and Crabbe were obviously overloaded with information, but Draco was still following. He wasn't so sure about the whole vampire thing, though. Wait, you're saying that he has all the characteristics of a vampire, but isn't?! How does that work?!  
  
Squall shrugged. I dunno. Why don't you ask him during Defence Against the Dark Arts class?What?! He's the new DADA teacher?! A bloody vampire?! Crabbe and Goyle were understanding the last few exchanges of dialogue, and were so scared they were white as sheets.  
  
Yeah. And Mr. Highwind. We'll have a vampire wannabe and a drunk as teachers. I doubt anyone'll learn anything this year. Neither have ever taught anything before. In my opinion, they'll drag some people they know into fighting then make us watch the fights and comment on what is a good idea and what isn't. Of course, they'll probably only get people that don't know magic. Or we'll watch movies. Or research wars.  
  
Draco couldn't believe that Squall was being so flippant. Watch _real_ fights? Watch _movies_? The muggle's moving pictures? Learn about warfare? That was preposterous. Wizards don't need to know about any of the muggle's fighting habits. Or their technology. So, you're saying that we might be in danger while watching the fights? If they were, Draco knew his father could get the teachers fired.  
  
But, Squall wasn't that stupid. Yes, but learning anything having to do with the defence against evil has a certain element of danger to it. Besides, the good guy would make sure that no civilians were hurt, and the bad guy would use that to cause the good guy to incur damage on behalf of them. It's a universal foible. Look, I don't want to talk anymore about it. I don't really know what would happen. Do you still want to know about the last two of my ...'friends'?  
  
Draco was a little upset that he couldn't push Squall anymore about the teachers, but he did want to know about the last two. Of course.Okay. Well, the last two are disturbed. The redhead with the patch of white hair is suicidal and completely intent on ridding the world of demons. He generally dyes his hair, but it's a really crappy dye that turns his hair purple and blue and this school doesn't allow hair to be dyed unnatural colors. The last guy (with the silver hair) is a real piece of work. Seth, as I implied before, hates Choco-boy and thinks Choco-boy's girlfriend is out to get him. The goof is the only person from where Seth's from that he doesn't think is a complete idiot. With the possible exception of Tifa. And that's everyone.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
Zack was the only one awake in the carriage. Seph and Aeris were asleep out of boredom, and Cloud had passed out from pain after Seph kicked him in the leg again. He was actually quite happy, but Seph and Aeris were arguing with each other in their sleep. It was actually quite funny. If you ignored the fact that they were threatening to kill each other. But, overall, it was a nice day for Zack.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
By the fourth time Neo and Serena had gone through 99 Bottles, they arrived at the castle. Rath was, by then, completely convinced that any sane person would run away at the cacophony that the two made. Luke, however, wanted to strangle them, but was overjoyed that he didn't have to be confined in a small space with the two anymore. Rath and Luke got out and went to find the others, not really caring that Serena and Neo were still in the carriage. After all, they should be able to get out by themselves.  
  
Zack was helping Cloud out, but Sephiroth had said that it would be just as expedient to push him out. Aeris had then smacked him. Yuna was standing around near Aeris, trying to keep tabs on the three hyper ones. Squall walked over, dragging the coffin Vince was in. Eventually, everyone congregated near the entrance to the castle and prepared to enter.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
Harry, Hermione, and Ron were already seated at the Gryffindor tables. The other students were already talking about the mysterious transfer students. Hermione almost felt like telling everyone who the new kids were but decided it was a better idea not to. Who knows what Sephiroth would do? Maybe it's not so great to have Sephiroth going to our school...  
  
Ron shot Hermione a look. I told you so! What is so great about it? Who knows how dangerous this guy is!He can destroy a planet.  
  
Harry's attention was caught at that point. What?! He can destroy a planet?! Could this get any worse? Ron started to answer, but Harry cut him off. Never mind, don't answer that.  
  
As they were speaking, three adults tired to stealthy creep toward the teachers' table, and the woman started talking to Professor Dumbledore. Other two sat down in the seats reserved for the DADA teachers. The students noticed the three and started talking about them. All of the prefects recognized the woman and the blond man as the two who had been arguing on the train, but couldn't place the other man. Luna knew who the two guys were, but, like Hermione, was still trying to figure out who the woman was. Malfoy and his cronies guessed that the man with the dark hair was the not a vampire and made a mental note to avoid him as much as possible.  
  
Ron thought this was now the perfect time to spring the way he thought that this year could get even worse. Hey, the only way the year could get any worse is that this Sephiroth dude was working for He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.  
  
Hermione instantly glared at Ron. Don't even think that! That would mean the apocalypse! We'd all be seriously screwed over. Sephiroth is almost completely unstoppable! ...But Cloud_ is_ here... So we might be all right.And Cloud is who? Harry asked.  
  
The only guy who could ever defeat Sephiroth....Was he the blond with the broken leg?  
  
Ron considered what that meant. So... We're as good as dead if Sephiroth's working for He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?Pretty much. But, I don't think he is. I mean, I'd have expected him to try to kill Cloud or Aeris on sight, but he seemed more interested in making Cloud's life a living hell, so I think Seph might be on our side... Hermione glanced towards the teachers table and noticed the woman who had been fighting with Cid on the train. Harry, does that lady look familiar to you? I think I recognize her, but I can't put a name to her face.You mean the lady talking to Professor Dumbledore who looks like she belongs in a science fiction movie?You think she's from a sci-fi movie? I was thinking she was from more of an anime type place, but I think I see what you mean......So, I decided to come to you to ask what the least overt way to sort the exchange students would be, Leia finished. She had been afraid that she, the idiot, and the vampire-esque one had already made a scene, but letting the others make a scene was out of the question.  
  
Professor Dumbledore thought for a minute before answering. Well, maybe it would be best to sort them before the first years, and just explain that they are transferring into the school as sixth years. They might still have some trouble adjusting, though. But, this way seems to be the best way to prevent a scene.  
  
Leia sighed and then smiled. Thank you. I'll go get them now. She walked off.  
  
Professor Snape glared at her as she walked off, completely unaware that she knew he disliked her. I don't trust her. There's something off about how she's acting.I don't think so, Professor McGonagall said. She seems perfectly normal for a woman who had to travel with 10 plus teenagers, who probably were arguing or on a sugar high the entire time.I still don't trust her, or the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, either.The teachers are a tad sketchy, but so are you....You have a point. What I don't even want to think about is what the children will be like.I'm sure they'll be perfectly normal. Famous last words.  
  
_$Break$_  
  
As they entered the Great Hall, Serena was completely absorbed in the ceiling. It looked exactly like the sky outside! It even showed the full moon! The others were amazed by the ceiling as well. Even Sephiroth. The tables were in four rows, one for each house, she surmised. There was a old looking hat on a stool. She guessed that was the Sorting Hat. Apparently, it was going to read their minds and decide which house they belonged in. She hoped she would get into Gryffindor, but was a tad afraid of being put into a different house. However, the only real reason she wanted to get in that house was that she didn't want to be separated from her friends. Well, maybe she could do without Sephiroth, but he was going to be put into Slytherin for sure.  
  
Then, once the first years had entered, the Sorting Hat began its song. It told of how the brave and bold went into Gryffindor. Well, that's where Luke, Cloud, Aeris, Yuna, Selphie, and Rath would go. It told of how the smartest went into Ravenclaw. That's where Rikku, Neo, Tifa, Squall, and Rufus would go. It told of how the most cunning would go into Slytherin. There would go Sephiroth and Yuffie. Lastly, it told of how the rest went into Hufflepuff. Well, that's where she'd be going as well as... Zack. Serena really didn't want to spend an entire year in the same house as Zack. Sephiroth might be able to stand him, but she couldn't.  
  
After the hat finished it's song, and Rath was thoroughly scared by it, Dumbledore announced that the transfer students would be sorted before the first years. Serena started to become really nervous as she waited for the Headmaster begin calling their names of. She didn't remember if they had ever decided on last names for Yuna, Rikku, Neo and Sephiroth, or if they'd come up with a false last name for Luke.  
  
Neo Anderson. Neo grumbled a bit after his name was read because he really didn't like his last name anymore. He reluctantly put the Hat on, and it instantly yelled Well, to most (hell, everyone), that was a surprise.  
  
Yuna Densetsu. Yuna smiled and walked up to the Hat. She was a little afraid of it, but knew that causing a scene was not a good way to start the year off. The Hat took longer to decide where she should go. _You don't want to be put into Slytherin, and with good reason. But, what is your qualm with Ravenclaw? You are smart enough to be in it, _ it asked of her, telepathically. _I guess I don't want to be separated from my friends...Even my insane cousin!_ She replied. The Hat yelled, Zack Donavon. Zack walked over and put the Hat on. _Hm... I can't make any particular house out for you. You could go into any of them, _the Hat told him. _Can I be in Slytherin, then? I wanna be able to annoy one of my friends the entire year, and I **know **he'll get into Slytherin,_ Zack explained. _O.K. If that's what you want..._ Over at the Gryffindor table, a girl sat completely confused.  
  
Aeris Gainsborough. Aeris walked over and put the Hat on. _You are dead, aren't you?_ it asked. _Yeah. Zack was, too,_ she replied. _I just wanted to check. How'd you die?_ it asked. _Stoopid Sephiroth killed me._ The Sorting Hat remembered that name from the last person. _He sure to get into Slytherin? I think that was why the last person wanted to get in._ Aeris smiled. _Yeah, that goof'd do something that stupid._ Seth Hidoikuso. Sephiroth went over to the Hat, glared at it, then put it on. The Hat figured this was the guy that the two before had been talking about. Rath Illuser. Since Rath was scared shitless by the Hat, Luke had to use a little bit of mind control to get him over there. When he finally got to the Hat, Rath poked it a few times before he put it on. _What was the poking for?_ the Hat asked. _You scare me._ Rath was to the point. _Okay... Well, as you probably figured, I have a problem. What house would you like to go in: Gryffindor or Slytherin?_ The Hat was to the point too. _The house that doesn't have Neo in it, preferably where I could be all dark and suicidal and still fit in._ Yuffie Kisaragi. Yuffie had been convinced by Rikku that the hat was like Cait Sith and was a machine with artificial intelligence, so she walked over and put it on. The Hat wasted no time again, and shouted Rikku Kyoukino. As she was walking over, the Hat shouted A few people were having trouble containing their laughter, so Rikku glared at them, but that gave Squall and Cloud even more trouble. So, she just rolled her eyes and walked over to the Gryffindor table and sat next to Yuna.  
  
Squall Leonheart. Squall walked over and put the Hat on. The Sorting Hat was having some trouble and decided to consult Squall. _What house do you think you should be put in?_ Squall replied in some of his stock dialogue: _... ... ... ...whatever._ If the Hat could glare, it would have. _Fine then. What's the cubed root of 125? _Squall answered automatically. _5._ Tifa Lockheart. Like the rest, Tifa walked over and put the Hat on. _Please! Anything but Gryffindor! I can't take the incessant babbling of Rikku or Neo!_ Tifa begged of the Hat. _Ravenclaw work?_ it suggested. _Sure. Squall's okay. He's not big on talking._ Rufus Shinra. Rufus was getting bored, so he was seriously happy when his name had been called. He, following suit, put the Hat on and waited for it to pick what house he'd be put into. _You're the son of a president of a power company, among other things. Well, this shouldn't be too hard._ Tifa instantly regretting saying yes to Ravenclaw.  
  
Cloud Strife. Cloud was a little cautious of the Hat, but, because he had to, put it on anyway. The Sorting Hat was having a very hard time trying to sort all of Cloud's memories out into the real and the fake. Finally, it gave up and asked him his opinion. _What house do you wan to be in?_ Cloud, being in one of his moods, answered. _Whatever I deserve... So, not Gryffindor. ...Definitely Slytherin. _Lucky for Cloud, the Hat remembered what Aeris and Zack's opinions of him were. _Your friends don't seem to have thought you should be put into Slytherin._ Cloud was still playing the tortured, depressed hero. _Yeah, but for letting them die, I deserve to be in Slytherin. _The Hat decided that there was no use arguing with Cloud and gave in. Serena Tsukino. Serena was really antsy by this point and skipped over to try to dispel her anxiousness. She put the Hat on, and it yelled, Serena was very happy that she got to spend the entire year plotting with the hyper ones and Neo.  
  
Selphie Tilmitt. Recognizing the name as one linked to Yuffie and Rikku, before Selphei could get to the Hat, it yelled, Luke Walker. Luke walked over to the Sorting Hat and put it on. The Hat immediately started talking to him. _You know, you're the second person today with a normal name, and like that guy, I bet you want to get into Slytherin for some odd reason like he had. _Luke was pretty good at second guessing why and who wanted to get into Slytherin. _Lemme guess... Zack asked to get in to annoy Sephiroth?_ The hat was stunned. _Wow. You know your friends well. _Luke had to correct the Hat. _Er... I wish I could say that, but I doubt some of them even know themselves all that well. I'm just psychic. _The Hat was even more impressed by Luke. _Oh. Okay. So... what's your reason for going into Slytherin instead of Gryffindor? Trying to get away from annoying classmates? Wanting to annoy classmates? Feel as if you don't deserve to belong in Gryffindor?_ Luke cracked a smile. _Hell, no. I'm suicide watch for Rath and Cloud. If I leave them with Sephiroth, they'll surely kill themselves. And Zack won't exactly help... Well, he'd keep Cloud from killing himself, but Rath just has problems._ The Hat now understood somewhat of what Luke was trying to say. _Ok... If you want to be stuck in Slytherin, it's your choice, but the fact that you're making the choice to sacrifice your own preference to help your friends gives you even more merit to be sorted into Gryffindor._ As Luke walked away, he said to the hat, Besides, my father was a Dark Lord. Leia was as surprised to learn her brother got himself sorted into Slytherin as one would be to find it cold in Antarctica.


	5. Was it the apocalypse

(Hello again! XD Anyway... There's some Zack bashing in this chapter, and the usual Malfoy is an idiot stuff... But aside from that, there's nothihng much else to say... except that anything in means in Japanese.)  
  
Harry was sufficiently scared of the new students. Did that last one just say he was related to a dark lord? Does that mean he's evil, and Sephiroth isn't? But, then again, the students that were sorted into Gryffindor seemed somewhat normal. Somewhat. Aside from the insane and or hyper ones. Harry decided to simply zone out and ignore the hard questions going through his mind at the moment.  
  
_(Break)_  
  
Hermione was a little confused that Zack had been put into Slytherin. Maybe she should ask Aeris or Yuna why they thought Zack did that, but would that freak them out that she knew their secret? Wait, wasn't Aeris dead? Oh, well, might as well try to become friends with them. Hi! I'm Hermione Granger. How do you like the UK so far?  
  
Aeris, glad to be pulled out of the conversation between Neo and Serena, replied with a smile. I like it here. It's very nice to meet you. I'm---  
  
Aeris Gainsborough. Hermione smiled.  
  
Aeris immediately thought the truth: their cover had been blown. But, just in case Hermione didn't know, she didn't draw that conclusion in her reply. Right! It's sort of obvious because of the Sorting Hat, right? However, Aeris wasn't doing a good job on damage control since she started laughing nervously.  
  
Hermione picked up on Aeris' agitated state and guessed that she was the genuine article. Therefore, she would know about why Zack would have gotten himself sorted into Slytherin. Uh... If... Well... Um... I, uh, was wondering why you friend Zack would get sorted into Slytherin... Cuz, I mean, he seems more the type to get sorted into this house...  
  
Yuna started listening into the conversation and decided that Hermione knew. Aeris noticed, but continued like there was nothing wrong. You're right, he's not the type to go into Slytherin, but he just wanted to annoy Seph. Aeris then realized her slip, and tried to correct herself. I meant Seth, not Seph.  
  
Oh... That makes sense in some demented way shape or form. It's practically obvious! Why wouldn't Zack want to get sorted into the same house as Sephiroth just to annoy him? Hermione was thinking out loud. Aeris sat there wide eyed for a few seconds processing the information, and Hermione realized she had said the last sentence, not just thought it.  
  
Yuna, the formerly silent observer, started laughing. Oh my god, that's so funny! I didn't think anyone here would be tech literate enough to actually recognize any of us! Well, besides Seth'. Evil people know him on sight. They are scared crapless by guys who wield six-foot katana and have eyes that look like twin green flashlights.  
  
Aeris glared at Yuna, but she then switched her attention to Hermione. Please don't tell anyone! Aeris exclaimed, quietly.  
  
Hermione, all jazzed about actually meeting her favorite game characters in person, was glad to oblige. I haven't told anyone besides my closest friends, and they don't really know what the hell I'm talking about anyway. Well, Luna and I knew all you guys except Luke' and the lady who came with you on sight. Nice name for Seph, by the way.  
  
Yuna started giggling uncontrollably. It _was_ Cloud's idea, Aeris said.  
  
Yuna nodded her head in agreement, and explained a little more. Seth' was the closest thing to Seph', but Cloud had to come up with a name with some bad words in it.  
  
I'm glad someone sane found out it was us and not some rabid fan girls... Or... After Aeris said that, both she and Yuna shuddered. Fan boys... Wait, you aren't a rabid Seph fan girl, are you?  
  
Hermione, still on a high from meeting them, replied in a super high speed. No, of course not! Seph's all evil and stuff! Hermione realized that she was talking to Aeris and quickly added, And, uh, Cloud's cool, but I like Zack better.  
  
Yuna started laughing again. Aeris elbowed her. Sorry, we had to give Yuna some happy pills to get her here. But, well, maybe your feelings on Zack will change after you meet him... Trust me. He'd an idiot.  
  
So's Cloud!  
  
True... But Cloud's cuter! And he did kill Seph to avenge me! Yuna shot Aeris a look, which was noticed. It is true!Yuna continued staring. Ok, so maybe it wasn't just for me...  
  
_(Break)_  
  
Ravenclaw was having the easiest time adapting to the new students. According to popular belief so far, Squall was a mute, Rufus was smart but a perv, and Tifa wasn't all that happy she was put in Ravenclaw. So, that meant that no one would bother Squall, all the girls would stay away from Rufus, and everyone would try to be Tifa's friend. The plan so far had been working, but Loony Luna had to screw it up.  
  
She sat down next to Rufus and started talking to Squall. Hello, Leonheart-san, I'm Luna Lovegood.  
  
Squall, surprised that someone was talking to him besides the three in the house that actually knew him, replied. Hello... How do you know my name?  
  
It was announced for the Sorting Hat.  
  
This girl was being too friendly, and Squall just knew she had to know. You know, don't you?  
  
Yes. As does a few friends of mine from Gryffindor, but it means nothing to all but one.  
  
Hm... I take it that everyone thought I was a mute?  
  
Tifa looked at Squall. Whatever gave you that idea?! she said to him sarcastically.  
  
Everyone thinks I'm a mute until I speak? Squall blinked a few times. Tifa just rolled her eyes and tried to divert her attention. Unfortunately, her gaze drifted to Rufus, who was staring at her, and drooling. Tifa felt like kicking him.  
  
Luna was completely unfazed by it all, but felt like telling them everything she didn't know about the group. In case you were wondering, Hermione and I know who all of you but the lady that was with you and Luke' are. That comment caught all three of the Final Fantasy character's attentions.  
  
Rufus spoke first. Wait... So you are saying that you recognized us, but didn't recognize... Huh. Maybe we shouldn't say anything about them.  
  
  
  
Squall spoke this time. They have pretty quick tempers, and asphyxiation is not a pleasant way to die... Not that I know first hand, but I've heard rumors.  
  
So they're not video game characters?  
  
Tifa was getting a little bored. Yeah, they're from a very well known American SF movie, hence why it is strange that you'd recognize us, being from a japanese video game, before them.  
  
So they're two of the main characters of a certain SF movie that has a Dark Lord in it that kills people by asphyxiating them with psychic powers and a giant space station capable of blowing up a planet?  
  
Squall looked at Tifa. They are going to kill you, Tifa, you do know that?  
  
Luna piped in. I won't say anything. I had decided it was them without you saying anything. I just didn't tell Hermione. Luna still had the exact same expression on her face as she had at the beginning of the conversation. Besides, who else would have such a funky hairstyle other than Princess Leia?  
  
Tifa nodded her head in agreement. She does have a point... Except, you do know what Cloud's hair normally looks like, right?  
  
Very spiky?  
  
Squall started laughing. You have no idea how much hair spray we used just to keep it from even vaguely giving the appearance of defying gravity... And I'm not even going to go into how much Rath resisted getting rid of his hair dye...  
  
_(Break)_  
  
The students in Slytherin were completely hostile to the new students, not that any of them really cared. Malfoy was the one with the brilliant idea to see if the new students would care to work for evil, or if they had some lame excuse for transferring themselves into the house. Malfoy struck up a conversation with Zack. Oh, was that a bad idea. So.. Where are you people from?  
  
Zack looked surprised. Us people?' What do you mean? Are you grouping me in with _them_?! Zack pointed at Cloud and Sephiroth, who glared at Zack, who was pretty sure he'd pissed Sephiroth off. Sephiroth hit Zack. ...We're from a place very far away from here... Called--- Zack's face mysteriously hit the table without a warning. Or anyone touching him for that matter. Never mind...  
  
Malfoy decided that it was useless speaking to Zack. Sephiroth spoke up at that moment. Pardon him. He's a very ...simple... person, and I use the term person' quite freely.  
  
Well pardon me for not being a freak of nature like you, Zack stuck his tongue out, and Cloud tried to pretend he didn't know either of them. Sephiroth stared and then said, Be glad Vincent confiscated my musical instrument'.  
  
Malfoy decided that it was also a bad idea to speak to Seth', and tried to talk to Cloud. Before Malfoy could say anything, Cloud decided to make an enemy of him. Is that your natural color, or are you a wannabe bad ass? Cuz you look like a suck up.  
  
You mudblood!  
  
Cloud, having no clue what that meant, replied with a word that was in his lexicon.   
  
Ninny hammer! Another word Cloud didn't know existed. Sephiroth nor Zack knew neither, for that matter.  
  
  
  
Luke recognized this word: it was used in some of Shakespeare's plays.  
  
Cloud came up with the perfect come back (in his opinion, at least). Malfoy and almost the rest of Slytherin gasped, sans Luke, Rath, Zack, and, of course, Sephiroth, who felt very tempted to try to kill Cloud ...again. But, Sephiroth restrained himself to see what Malfoy was gonna say next.  
  
You're not half bad. The reply confused Cloud. There had just been a cussing match, and the idiot on the other end was complimenting him? What the fuck was going on?! Was it the apocalypse?! Wait, no, it couldn't be that. Seph and Aeris had to be friends for that to happen...  
  
Rath, still in mourning for his hair dye, felt this was as much as he could take, so he yelled, Could you all shut the fucking hell up?! Can't you tell I'm trying to be all dark and mysterious here?! Everyone sat down and shut up, except for Luke, who just went back to reading the latest volume of Samurai Deeper Kyo. Malfoy decided that it as a good idea not to talk to Luke, since he didn't seem like to type of person who wouldn't mind if they were disturbed while they were reading.  
  
_(Break)_  
  
After all of the first years were sorted and the feast was over, the Great Hall quieted for Professor Dumbledore to make the normal announcements. Now that the feast is over, I feel obliged to make the start of year announcements yet again. First of all, to all the new students, none of you are allowed into the Forbidden Forest, although some students need to be reminded of that year after year. Hermione, Ron, and Harry smirked at that. Also, Mr. Filch wanted me to remind you that there is no magic allowed in the halls. If you would like to see a complete list of rules, consult the copy on the door to his office.  
  
There is also a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this year. Actually, I should say teachers. He gestured to Vince and Cid, who stood up. This is Professor Valentine, and this is Professor Highwind. They sat down. They will be teaching you the normal curriculum in addition to some _highly _unconventional ways to combat the dark arts.  
  
As most of you already know, there have been some transfer students this year, and I expect you to make them feel welcome here. To make a short speech is a teacher of theirs from their country. Leia stood up, and smiled.  
  
She just stood there for a second, then began speaking. Uh.. Hello. My name is Leah Suul. Luke hid a smirk. Leia was using Han's fake last name. My students are from America. And she was blaming all their weirdness on America. They come from many different backgrounds... Like being part demon or Sephiroth. ...But are overall very friendly... Except for Sephiroth. ...I hope you all have a good year, and you learn from them... But not how to be suicidal, homicidal, masochistic, or sadistic. ...And I'm sure they'll learn from you... When hell freezes over. ...It's nice to meet you all... How much longer was Leia gonna act all diplomatic? ...Oh, and, though it may not seem like it, Mr. Highwind and Mr. Valentine do know what they're talking about. They fought against Sephiroth. Leia sat down.  
  
_Leia... You do know they're going to kill you, right?_ Luke asked his sister.  
  
_No, they aren't. Now some of the Slytherin students might listen to them._  
  
_Or plot how to kill them._  
  
_Well, all Vince has to do is have Alucard show up and let the students interview him. That would stop all of it. Especially since the two look so much alike the students wouldn't be able to tell who was who._  
  
Luke stifled a laugh. _I'd pay to see that. Even Dad would pay to see that!_  
  
_Luke, it isn't that hard to get our idiotic biological father to pay for blackmail of others. But, if Vince does drag Alucard in, could you get someone to film it and send me a copy?_  
  
Luke pretended to start reading SDK to try to keep Malfoy from talking to him. _Hell... why not?_  
  
_(Break)_  
  
Rath noticed Luke was in his I'm not here right now because I'm talking to someone telepathically, so please leave a message after the beep mode, and started talking to Cloud to avoid Malfoy. In Japanese. Isn't that Malfoy guy annoying?  
  
I'd say so... Cloud took a sip from his drink. What really confuses me is that he ended up complimenting me after the name-calling match.  
  
Sephiroth hit Cloud. Of course he would! Do you have no common sense?!' Seph realized he was talking to Cloud. Never mind... It's one of those things in the ranks of evil where you are technically higher up in the food chain if you can hold a name-calling match for more that three exchanges. Or use the name of someone that is interdicted. Like me, but, unlike you, they hate me because I screwed up other evil' people's plans (Shinra), plus because I'm non compos mentis and therefore couldn't be controlled.  
  
Rath decided to leave the conversation, but before doing so, asked what a word meant. I take it non compos mentis' means something around the lines of not all there'?  
  
  
  
I thought so.  
  
_(Break)_  
  
After some more trading insults between Cloud and Sephiroth, awkward silence in the near vicinity of Tifa, Rufus, and Squall at the Ravenclaw table, and some not so deep conversations between Hermione, Yuna, and Aeris, the call was given to go to everyone's respective dormitories. So, the four groups of students went their separate ways.


	6. Be very glad Vince confiscated Masamune

(Since my last attempt (two forward slashes at the beginning and end of a quote) at trying to find a way to imply another language didn't show up, here's the new system: means whoever is speaking is doing so in Japanese... Well, enjoy.)  
  
It was midnight and almost all of the sixth and seventh years in Slytherin were still awake. that particular fact pissed Sephiroth off. He wanted some peace and quiet so Cloud and he could argue properly. Since all the others that they didn't really know in the house were still awake, the argument could only stay PG, instead of the suitable R rating of their normal discussions. Worst of all: Vince wouldn't give Masamune back to him. God, was Vince a pain. He was probably only doing that to get on Lucrecia's good side.  
  
Just in time to disturb Seph, Zack starting ranting about nothing in particular. Cloud was getting particularly annoyed by Zack, but, like usual, just glared and tried to ignore him. Rath wasn't as subtle. Za-a-a-ack... Shut up if you know what's good for you.  
  
Zack was not unnerved by the threat since Seph was such a good friend as to tell Zack the exact same thing three times a day when they had still been in SOLDIER. How do you know what's good for me? Seth' says the exact same words on a regular basis.  
  
Rath glared at Sephiroth. You do know that if you say something like that too often to someone, they become apathetic and stop registering the amount of danger involved? Sephiroth just stared at Rath. He's like this 24.7.365 isn't he? Seph kept staring. No wonder he doesn't register the threat anymore... Defeated, Rath decided to just try to go to his room and sleep.  
  
But, Malfoy's stooges blocked the way. One of them spoke. Uh... No one's supposed to go until Draco says... Goyle turned to Crabbe. Crabbe seemed to consider this deeply, and Rath tried to sneak by. Crabbe made up his mind and replied. He noticed Rath's attempt. Hey, are you stupid? We just said you're not allowed to leave! Rath really wanted to set these goons on fire, but there was some rule against that at this school. Goyle, perturbed that Rath was seemingly not listening, grabbed Rath by his shirt collar and yelled a goon-esque stock phrase. Are you trying to start something?!  
  
Rath, who decided that the idiot holding him a foot off the floor would look better on fire, replied. Well, since you are obviously just an incompetent ass of a bootlicker to some maladroit dark lord, I'd say, yes, I will start something if you won't let me go to bed. I'm very tired, and it's been a long day, so would you please FUCK OFF?! The last two words silenced the room (except for Zack and Seph), and turned everyone's attention to the goons and the exchange student.  
  
I'd do what he says. Rath doesn't play nice when he's pissed off, Luke suggested, while reading one of their textbooks. Malfoy turned to stare at Luke.  
  
What do you mean? We're not allowed to use magic outside of class, and your friend is half the size of Crabbe and Goyle. It would be best if he just backed off, Malfoy countered.  
  
Rath, who heard that comment, glanced at the oaf still holding him by the collar and the other goon. Yeah, I am half the size of them, but that would make sense because I'm only one person and they are two people. Do the math. Seph thought that comment was rather funny and wondered if anyone could counter it.  
  
Malfoy glared and turned to Luke again. Would you kindly tell your friend it wouldn't be wise to insult the son of Voldermort's right hand man? Luke stared at Malfoy for a sec, and nodded.  
  
_&_Rath, make fun of them some more. Malfoy's apparently related to the right hand man of some small-fry dark lord that sounds oddly familiar. He's probably one of Nadil's friends._ Luke went back to reading, but Seph, Cloud, and Zack were having trouble containing their laughter.  
  
Taking his cue, Rath promptly flicked Malfoy off. Malfoy, quite pissed off, yelled at him. Why, you insubordinate fool! Crabbe, Goyle, beat him up! Rath started laughing. What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you insane?!  
  
Rath decided to make a point. Yes. I am, thank you very much. Do you have a problem with that? Or are you going to try to spout more pseudo-mofia lines at me while your goons try to beat me up?  
  
Goyle finally comprehended the message that he and Goyle were to thrash Rath, so he threw Rath into the nearby wall. Rath hit the wall with a loud thud, but stood up almost immediately. That all you got? he said, taunting them. However, Goyle was faster than he had first thought, and he pinned Rath against the wall. Crabbe then came over and started striking Rath, who knew that he wasn't going to be getting any help. Cloud was currently on the simpletons' good sides, and that wasn't worth risking. It was too early in the year for Luke to try and pull rank. Zack might help, but Rath didn't really want help from him. And Seph, well, he didn't owe Rath anything. However, Rath's vision was starting to go black at the edges and he realized he going to pass out.  
  
For God's sake, would you leave him alone, you ass?! was what Luke was about to say, but seventh year student beat him to the punch. She rushed over to Malfoy. Quite frankly, I don't give a damn that you are related to whoever! I want to know why the hell we all have to stay out here! Anyway, what if __he_ knows someone higher up in ranks than Voldermort?!  
  
Malfoy glared at her. And why should I listen to you? America has decided to remain neutral, so you really have no right to tell me to do anything without jeopardizing your country's neutrality. The girl glared at him. Malfoy smelled victory. Besides, so what if he knows someone important? Voldermort could kick his ass.  
  
Seph started laughing maniacally and stood up. You mean that loser that always hung out with the Demon Lord of Dusis? Malfoy turned to stare at Sephiroth. He was a pain in the ass. The only reason--- Zack hit Seph on the back of the head with the text book Luke had been reading. Rath had finally passed out, but the goons kept beating him. Luke, now unoccupied, messed with the henchmen's heads, picked up Rath and set him down on one of the couches.  
  
Zack, not really having a good idea to explain Seph's behavior, deferred to Cloud. Pardon Seth'. He had a traumatic childhood and was left with many mental problems. Because of that, he's prone to saying really stupid things, no matter how true they might be. Cloud smiled, and Sephiroth hit him on the back of the head.  
  
_&_Be _very_ glad that Vincent confiscated Masamune._ Seph threatened. Cloud stared back. Zack had a bad feeling about where the staring contest was going to go, and decided to brighten up the mood. Or, at least, change the subject. So... Why are all of us still up at now one o'clock in the morning?  
  
One of the eviler looking seventh years spoke up. His name was Dick. Well, we are officially old enough to join the ranks of the Death Eaters, and, as a representative, I'm here to sign recruits up.  
  
Zack said, and sat down. Rath had regained consciousness by then and said, Wait, an entire group devoted to that stupid idiot? I heard that Voldermort was a pansy. Luke decided that it would have been smarter to have left Rath to get the crap beaten out of him. After all, Rath did heal quickly.  
  
Malfoy, being a suck up, had to defend his Dark Lord. Pansy'?! Well, the dark lord you serve is a retard!  
  
Rath, automatically deciding that Nadil was the one that Malfoy would be talking about, agreed. Yes, Nadil is a retard, but that doesn't make any of his legions stop following him. Rath's comment silenced the room and caused gasps. Sans Cloud and Sephiroth, who were now engaged in a cussing match that was far more complex than the one that had occurred earlier.  
  
Malfoy laughed nervously. You... know... Nadil?! Rath sat on the couch thoughtfully, and then stared at Malfoy like he was an idiot. This gave the American student (who had been named Yankee Redsox by her baseball-fanatic parents) a chance to say I told you so. I told you that he probably knew someone important that could kick your ass!  
  
Rath, who had heard the girl defending him, set the record straight. I do know him, but there's an ice cube's chance in hell that he'd ever help me. Rath lowered him voice so almost no one could hear. ...And there's that small little thing that I'm his worst enemy's only heir...  
  
What was that last thing you said? Malfoy asked, suspicious. Luke decided that he __really_ should have left Rath where he had been. Zack was getting bored, so he just walked off to the room he was now apparently sharing with Cloud, Seph, and Rath to go to sleep. Luke had been assigned to a different room in which he happened to be the only occupant of.  
  
Rath, who had been watching Zack, what he said. I said that I'm one of Kharl the Alchemist's creations... Well, not really. I have someone else to blame for my current existence. He coughed . Malfoy thought he heard something. Rath looked up. Sorry. I get sick easily and haven't been feeling well today. Luke stared wide-eyed at Rath, who he thought was being serious, and put one of those SARS masks on.  
  
Cloud was starting to feel tired, so he tried to sneak off to his room, but Crabbe and Goyle caught him. Dick (the Aptly-Named) walked over to yell at Cloud, but Cloud spoke first, rather vexed. Look, I'm tired as hell, and I don't want to be part of another lame-o's crappy plan to take over the friggin' world. I just want to go to sleep. If you have a problem with that, talk to my manager. She's either the one in the pink dress or Tifa. They'll probably make you deaf, though. And if you're really insistent, talk to Seth. He'll kick your ass for no particular reason. Cloud just walked away without waiting for an answer.  
  
Yankee was astounded. Does he always act like that? Sephiroth replied, No. He's like that when he's A) sleepy, B) pissed off at me for certain reasons, or C) being a sad drunk. Yankee decided that these guys were not your regular Slytherin students, somewhat like her. She had just been feeling particularly evil the day she had been sorted, but she really belonged in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor. Unfortunately, she couldn't get resorted and was stuck in the house of future henchmen of evil idiots, half of which being James Bond villains.  
  
Seph, following suit, walked off to his room. He, however, was not hindered since Malfoy had spread the word about the mysterious musical instrument Sephiroth had been referring to. Most of them thought that he meant something like the saxophone that Midvalley the Hornfreak used, and not Masamune, the six-foot katana that it's said that only Sephiroth can use (Cloud was able to do so as well). That left Rath and Luke as the only two new students in the commons area.  
  
Malfoy, now amused by Rath's blatant remarks, decided that maybe it was a good time to try and talk to the only one that no one really knew anything about. So, what's your claim to fame, Walker?  
  
Luke stayed silent because he forgot that that was the name that he was using. Rath saved the day and elbowed him so Luke wouldn't seem absentminded and no one would sense that something wasn't quite right. Huh? Oh! Right... Well, I dunno. I guess I'm just normal and stuff. Rath rolled his eyed. Rath glared at Luke. Fine... Look, let's just say that earlier, right after he--- Luke pointed to Rath. ---yelled at you all, it was a smart idea to not talk to me. I don't like to be disturbed while I'm reading.... Oh, and that language that Seth and Cloud were talking in is not some jabberwockyish gobbledygook as you so put it, but Japanese. Luke got up and walked to his room.  
  
Malfoy stared at the space where Luke had been. Rath grinned. That was what you had thought, wasn't it? Laughing, Rath walked off, but before he got to the door, he turned back. Oh, and, by the way, neither Seth, Luke, nor I are interested in the least about some small-fry loser dark lord. Night. Don't let the youkai bite. Rath resumed his laughter, and walked the doorway.  
  
Dick wondered what Rath had meant. Malfoy, what did that... He controlled his anger. Classmate of yours mean? Malfoy turned and answered. That was what I had thought when Seth and Cloud were talking in ...Japanese.  
  
Yankee slapped Malfoy. You loser! I can't believe you couldn't recognize the speech as an Asian language! God damn! What's next?! You thinking someone seriously high profile in your little evil aristocratic circles' is a complete loser? A piece of paper floated down from the ceiling. Yankee read it out loud. It's a little too late for whatever you just said... If you are reading this. All of the students still in the commons stared at Malfoy.  
  
_(&BREAK&)_  
  
Everyone in Ravenclaw was asleep except from Squall. He was up reflecting on how they were supposed to get through classes tomorrow. He looked at his schedule, and compared it to Zack's. They had absolutely no classes in common. While that meant that he would probably not be able to annoy Cloud all year, it was a blessing since Squall really didn't want to have any classes with Zack.  
  
Squall pulled Neo's schedule out and compared it to his own. No similarities between the two whatsoever. But, when compared to Zack's schedule, Neo had all the same classes. Squall felt a wave of pity for Yuna and Aeris. They had to spend six or more hours in a classroom with the three insane ones, Neo, Serena, and Zack... Well, better them than him.  
  
_(&BREAK&)_  
  
Aeris and Yuna, who had formerly been sleeping woke up with a sneeze. They glanced at each other. It was a little odd that they had both been awakened by a sneeze, and decided that the only one of their friends that would be up this late at night that would speak anything vaguely ill of them would be Squall. Also, they realized that whatever he said probably had to do with the fact that they had such bad luck with the scheduling, and, therefore, Squall wasn't really being mean or anything.  
  
Yuna whispered to Aeris Thank God we're sharing a room with Rikku and Serena.  
  
Yeah, it's better than sharing one with Yuffie. We'd have to lock all of our stuff up at night so she couldn't steal it. As she said that, Yuffie entered the room acting all ninja-like, so the two acted like they were asleep. Yuna rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a loud thud. Ow... That hurt As a result , Yuffie jumped up to the ceiling and dug her fingernails into the paint, and Rikku woke up and yelled Gravy and buttered toast! By doing so, why managed to wake up the entire Gryffindor house. Except for Serena and Neo.  
  
Aeris walked over to Serena and poked her with a stick. Serena grumbled and rolled over. Repressing a laugh, Yuna walked over to the other side and poked Serena again. Like before, Serena rolled over, but this time another way.  
  
Rikku was still a little groggy and looked up at the ceiling. Seeing Yuffie, she decided that she was still asleep and tried to see if she could fly by jumping off her bed. Since the laws o gravity were still functioning properly, she hit the floor. Yuna covered her face with her hand and started murmuring to herself, She's not my cousin, over and over. Of course, the loud noise caused Yuffie to dig her fingernails deeper into the ceiling.  
  
Aeris, still fascinated with Serena's ability to sleep through anything, continued poking Serena with the stick. Eventually, Serena ran out of bed to roll over on and fell on the floor, which caused Yuffie to continue her current activity of sticking to the ceiling. Serena still refused to wake up. Five more minutes mom...


	7. This means war, again

Chapter 7

The next morning, the only house that had gotten any sleep whatsoever was Hufflepuff. Gryffindor had been awakened by what was to later be called the first "Buttered Toast Ghost" incident. Slytherin had never gone to sleep in the first place, except for Zack, who had the same sleeping powers as Serena and Neo, except he could also avoid any sort of harm while he was asleep (yet another trait learned by working with Sephiroth). Lastly, Ravenclaw had been awakened during the night by a cry of "Pervert" and a very loud bitch slap. Later, Tifa would be known as "The Girl Who Cried Pervert... With Good Reason". Only Squall knew who the "perv" was, but he was getting a payoff, so he was going to tell Tifa who it was the next day. The house had already formulated an idea of who it was, but was wrong in both assumptions (Rufus isn't _that _desperate and Squall _does _theoretically have a girlfriend).

* * *

Neo was asleep at the breakfast table. Serena poked him sleepily. "Wake up lazy-head." Neo replied, "Ner." She poked him harder. "Wake up, or no food." Neo snored. Yuna and Aeris were sleepy since they had spent the rest of the night trying to get Yuffie off the ceiling. Yuffie had already had her cup of sugar and was bouncing off the walls along with Rikku and Selphie. Serena was still poking Neo, but he wasn't waking up. She was pretty close to using the Trinity way of waking him, but Neo woke up. "You took long enough," Serena said.

"I wish I'd taken longer. Did you wave some weird dream last night about buttered toast and gravy? I did. It also included someone yelling pervert... And then the world ended by an atomic bomb... But the bomb sounded more like someone hitting a floor. Wait, no, there were two bombs. One was full of radioactive cotton candy and the other with Kharl clones..." Neo then spotted waffles on the table. Serena followed his line of sight, and they ate most of the food placed in front of them. They fought about the ownership of the last waffle with their forks and spoons (Neo had the spoons).

By the time Serena and Neo had finished duking it out with the cutlery, the rest of the house had arrived (they got to the Great Hall so they could eat a lot). Aeris finally was able to find a cup of coffee and some... buttered toast. Yuna preferred to stay away from any food item that had been going through any of their friend's minds the last night, and took some pancakes and maple syrup. Hopefully, this first day would be a good one, and they would make a good impression upon their teachers. But, without being an idealist, that was as likely to happen as Neo's wacky dream would become reality.

* * *

Squall, having had no sleep at all, was sitting at a Ravenclaw table when Rufus and Tifa got there. He was drinking a concoction that looked vaguely like Jolt mixed with Mountain Dew, coffee, Red Bull, and about 10 Pixy Stix. Tifa looked at the drink and felt like barfing. "What?" Squall said. "It tastes good, and keeps you on a caffeine and sugar high for a week."

Rufus looked Squall in the eyes and said very plainly, "You really need to find a hobby other than breaking the world record on every world for staying up most nights in a row." Tifa was throwing up on the floor now.

"But I have no other purpose in life!" Squall was being sarcastic. "Anyway, I heard you went on a panty raid last night." Rufus glared at Squall. Tifa, who had finished throwing up threw an accusing look at Rufus.

"You know damn well that I wasn't the one that snuck into Tifa's room!" Rufus was really pissed. Squall took a sip from the concoction, and Tifa barfed again. "...How the hell are you so freaking calm after drinking something that should have you bouncing off the walls!"

Luckily, Cloud was passing by. "What do you mean? Squall hasn't slept for a fortnight." Squall nodded in agreement with Cloud. Tifa looked at Cloud.

"You mean you knew that he drinks this stuff! It's absolutely disgusting! Besides, shouldn't he be dead from not getting enough sleep yet!" she exclaimed. "Oh, and if you haven't heard yet, someone tried to steal my underwear last night." Cloud looked unsurprised. "Like certain other persons we know..." Tifa continued deliberately.

Cloud turned red. "T-that was only once! And I was an idiotic 16-year old! Besides! I was trapped in the Slytherin dorms the entire night! ...Wait..." Cloud glared at Rufus.

"Why does everyone automatically think that I did it!" Rufus exclaimed. Squall, Cloud, and Tifa stared at him. "Okay, so it's not all that improbable, but I didn't do it!"

Squall took another drink of the vile substance. "Oh, I know who did it, and it wasn't the one who's been hitting on you, me, or the one who's guilty of the act previously." Cloud and Rufus glared at Squall. "You wouldn't believe who it was... But, he thought you were someone else..."

Tifa was interested. "Is it someone we know?"

"Maybe..." Tifa glared at Squall and lunged at him, screaming "Tell me, god dammit!"

* * *

Rath didn't look all that great the next morning: he was covered in blue and purple bruises from the beating Malfoy's minions had given him. "Huh... Maybe If I dye my hair back to normal, no one will notice..." Unfortunately for Rath, a rather disheveled looking Sephiroth had trudged over and sat down. He stared at Rath with glowing green eyes.

"If you get to dye your hair, then I get to kill whoever had the bright idea of that little party last night..." Seph spotted an amused Cloud coming over. "...You're too happy. What happened? Sneak over to the Gryffindor dorms last night?" Rath started laughing.

Cloud, thoroughly embarrassed, glared at Seph. "No! Dammit, you have a dirty mind! Squall was just freaking Tifa out with the disgusting brew he calls 'coffee on drugs'."

"Does it have drugs in it?"

"No, just enough caffeine and sugar to make a normal person high as a kite."

"He pulling another all monther?" Cloud nodded, and grabbed a cup of tea. Sephiroth decided to get a cup of the other caffeinated substance on hand. While they were doing so, Rath fell asleep at the table with his face in a plate of eggs. Neither noticed until Zack neared.

"How long have you guys left Rath like that?" Cloud and Seph looked at Zack like he was insane, and then looked at Rath.

"He was talking about ten minutes ago," Seph remarked, then went back to drinking his coffee. Zack sat down and started eating breakfast. They all sat in silence for a few minutes, until the others from Slytherin showed up. "At the risk of sounding like the vampiric one, they're too loud. I can't eat."

Cloud stifled a laugh. "Vince is going to get you for that one..." Seph hit Cloud. "Ow! That hurt!"

In the meantime, Rath woke up. Zack got a good look at what Rath's face currently looked like. "Holy Mother of God! Did those idiots really hit you that hard! You look like you fell off a cliff!"

Rath sighed. "No... I don't look like I fell off a cliff. Falling off a cliff is a lot less painful. Trust me, I know from experience. Those numbskulls are supernaturally strong. ...I must look like Nightcrawler."

"More or less. You're less fuzzy, and your hair's red, so you don't look exactly like Nightcrawler." Rath stared at Zack.

"He's always like this, isn't he?" Rath addressed his question to Cloud and Sephiroth, who nodded.

Yankee, the girl that had defended them in the convention of stupidity the night before, walked over to try to make some conversation with the only seeming sane students in Slytherin house. "Hi! My name's Yankee," she said.

Rath looked at her, stared for a few seconds then looked for a cup of coffee. Zack, on the other hand, was more friendly. "Hello. I'm Zack. The one that looks vaguely like Nightcrawler is Rath, and my two other friends are Cloud and Seph."

"You know, you're one of the first people at this school that hasn't completely blown me off the first time I talked to them." She smiled and sat down. Rath, who had finished his first cup of coffee found the pot and poured himself another cup. "I take it they're antisocial?" She gestured at Cloud and Seph.

"'Antisocial' is not strong enough a word for Seph. Cloud's just shy... and somewhat distrusting." Cloud glared. Seph hid a smile and murmured to Zack, "This is the lamest conversation I've ever heard you participate in in order to pick up a girl." Zack elbowed him, and decided to change the subject. "So... Interesting name. Your parents baseball fans? I thought that no one really liked baseball in England."

"I'm American, not English, and, yes, my parents are obsessed with the 'great American pastime'. You guys don't really strike me as people who'd put up with any crap from assholes like Dick or Draco." Rath stared at her deliberately. "Does your face hurt?" she asked him.

Rath thought about it for a bit and replied. "Sorta. Not really. It just looks like crap. It hurt last night, but _someone_ was _kind_ enough to cast Ice-3 on my pillow." He glared at Seph, who whistled nonchalantly. Sephiroth's hair suddenly caught on fire at the ends. He noticed, cast Ice, and glared at Rath. "This means war," Seph said. "You do know that, don't you?"

Yankee was not particularly surprised that Rath cast a fire spell without a wand or anything. She still thought wands were ridiculous and that the robes were even more so. Not to mention the uniforms... "So, why did you not use any magic last night? I think that Draco and his minions would have backed off."

Rath stared at her. "I thought we weren't allowed to use magic out of the classroom. Or, in this stupid house, is it don't tell what happens inside, even under pain of death?"

"It's if you side with Voldermort, you get away with everything, and if you despise everything that they stand for, you better stay on the straight and narrow if you don't want to get in trouble with the teachers. Or the gestapo, as the rest of the houses call the prefects from Slytherin. I prefer to call them stormtroopers."

"What kind? German storm troopers from the world wars or Galactic Empire stormtroopers?" Luke, who had just appeared, asked.

"Duh. Imperial troopers. I mean---" She turned to stare at Luke.

"Not our fault," Cloud stated before any accusations could be made. To enforce the point, Zack hid under the table. Seph stared at the place where Zack had hid under the table, and kicked him. Rath spotted a bag of ice that had mysteriously appeared and started to wonder what type of forces were in control of what was deposited and removed from the table.

Luke looked at Cloud. "What the hell are you talking about! I'm not really in the mood for mind games. I couldn't get to sleep last night because of all of the fricking chatter going on in the commons."

"Too much telepathic chatter or were the idiots too loud?" Seph asked.

"Both. I still have a headache," Luke replied.

Yankee didn't even want to know what they were talking about, but had a vague idea. Unfortunately. Suddenly, the bell rang for everyone to go to their first class of the school year. Rath, however, was still staring at the bag of ice that had appeared in front of him. This was going to be a strange year indeed.


	8. Potions Class and Sneezing

Rath noticed that Cloud seemed to have forgotten that Seph had broken his leg the day before since Cloud tried to stand up after breakfast but fell over once he put weight on it. _Then again_, Rath thought as he walked to class with the rest of the "foreign exchange students" in Slytherin, _maybe the poor bastard's even more masochistic than I am..._ When Rath broke out of his train of thought, he noticed that the group of them had stopped in front of what looked like the entrance to a dungeon. Cloud was leaning against the wall and scooting as far as possible away from Luke whom he thought was going to insist that he reset Cloud's leg. Luke, contrary to Cloud's fear, was more interested in who was coming down the corridor to this particular room. They entered the classroom and took seats. The teacher was absent for the time being.

"I can't believe that we have Potions first thing!" Ron exclaimed, rather put off, as he and Harry entered the classroom.

"I can't either, but we're just stuck with it," Harry replied dejectedly as he realized there were other people in the room at that moment.

"Hello," Luke said, smiling.

_This is the wild card_, Harry thought, _the one that Hermione didn't know. I hope that isn't a bad thing._ Harry smiled back. "Uh, hey. How do you like Hogwarts so far?"

"It sucks," Rath replied. Luke glared at him. "What? I'm telling the truth. If I'm going to get beat up every day by those two thugs---"

"I thought you weren't normally blue!" Ron said. "Who beat you up?"

"I think it was Cab and Dial?" Rath replied.

"You mean Crabbe and Goyle?"

"That was it. They were being assholes and wouldn't let me go to bed. I would have set them on fire, but that's supposedly against the rules," Rath complained.

Luke rolled his eyes, but Seph cut him off before he could speak. "Look, the idiots who decided to serve stupider people were holding a recruiting session, and none of us were interested. Save him," he motioned to Luke. "But that's because there's a history of his family serving idiots."

"Shut up, _Seth_. You damn well know that I think that anyone who's stupid enough to serve under someone like Vol---" Luke retorted but he stopped himself. "Sorry. I forgot that everyone here's touchy about saying that name," he apologized to Harry and Ron.

"You don't seem like you belong in Slytherin," Ron told him.

"Huh. Maybe I made a mistake," Luke replied nonchalantly as Malfoy and the Goon Squad came into the room.  
Malfoy smirked when he saw Rath's bruised-black-and-blue face. "I take it you won't be doing anything stupid again in the near future?"

Rath pretended to be thinking and then replied in a deadpan voice, "No, but I still have to rid the universe of demons and save that stupid fortune teller from her damn imprisonment, and then I'll have to find some way to keep my moron older brother from getting himself killed before I kill myself." Rath then grinned after he finished for the full freak-out effect.

Malfoy stood in shock. Why did it seem like all of the exchange students were insane? Then he remembered that Squall had called Rath disturbed. "You're stark raving mad," was the only comment Malfoy could utter.

Rath considered the statement before nodding. "Yes, I'll admit that this is true, but did you all really have to stay up the entire freaking night? None of us were able to get any sleep!" He paused. "Well, besides Zack, who sleeps like a log, and Cloud, who some of us have a sneaking suspicion was---"

"I already told you that's not true!" Cloud protested, his face bright red. "Besides! My leg's broken, and there is no way in hell that I'm going to climb stairs out of my own free will." He continued more quietly, "Even if it does mean..."

"Plus it would also mean that he _didn't_ get any sleep last night," Seph murmured quietly enough so only a few heard the comment before Cloud hit him with their potions textbook. By then, most of the students had filed into the room.  
Harry, glad that he hadn't heard whatever Seth had muttered and that he didn't know what they were talking about, took his seat next to Ron. Professor Snape would be coming soon. It was odd that Harry and Ron had arrived so early to class today since they were generally late to it.

"The exchange student with the normal name, Luke, is a little weird, don't you think, Harry?" Ron asked quietly as to not draw the attention of the one he was talking about.

Harry grimaced. "Yeah. Hermione's right, though. He looks oddly familiar, but I can't place him."

"Anyway, according to Hermione," Ron added, "most of the others used their real names to her knowledge, but she can't decide whether Luke's lying or not."

"I don't think he's completely lying, for some odd reason. He doesn't seem to be someone who would lie just for the hell of it if the rest used their real names," Harry replied.

"Define 'for the hell of it,'" Rath said loudly.

"Well, for no purpose or... some...thing..." Harry paused. "You could hear the entire conversation, couldn't you?"

"Yeah, but it's not out of the ordinary," Sephiroth said, deciding to write a ongoing commentary in his Potions textbook.

"I mean, Luke has a perfectly good reason not to have included his full name," he continued sarcastically.

"Ha-ha. At least I was quick enough not to have a fake last name _picked_ for me," Luke shot back.

"Fuck off, Skywalker!"

"Oooh. Nice comeback, Sephiroth."

"If Valentine hadn't confiscated Masamune..."

In the meantime, Harry had barely caught anything past "Skywalker." Hermione was obviously loosing her touch if she couldn't recognize..._OH, SHIT. We have not only a PSYCHOPATH with a 6-FOOT LONG SWORD in our class this year, but LUKE SKYWALKER. Wait! Why the hell's he in Slytherin! _Harry collapsed into nervous laughter.

Luke noticed. "That was brilliant, Seph."

"What!"

"You made Potter start laughing. The nervous/ holy shit and almost into the realm of the insane kind."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Yours."

"I'm confused," Ron said.

"That's a good thing," Rath told him.

"Why?"

"Cause the two guys who are arguing are---"

"That one dude from that one video game that Hermione keeps talking about, and... I still don't get the importance of---"

"Luke? Well, his father's a Dark Lord of the Sith."

"What's that?"

Zack and Rath thought about how to answer the question while Seph tried to kill Luke and Harry was still laughing. Cloud was thinking about making some popcorn.

Luke put up a barrier between him and Seph, then answered Ron's question. "A Dark Lord of the Sith is a person who can kill you with a hand gesture. My father prefers to either asphyxiate people or blow them up. It really depends who it is and what mood he's in. Except a few people he can't seem to kill. Like Neo."

Seph was running against the Force wall and not really getting anywhere. Then they all realized that the entire class was watching. Luke shrugged and took his seat. Rath seemed to be his lab partner.

"You're going to blow the entire lab up, you do know that?" Cloud told them.

Rath nodded. "But it'll be cool when it does happen."

"I'll make sure to bring the ingredients for s'mores that day," Zack decided.

Everyone was watching Seph run against the wall. Malfoy then spoke up. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that entire conversation?"

Luke sighed. "Seth is Sephiroth, I am the son of Darth Vader, and Rath is a pyromaniac who is most likely going to blow the lab up before the year's out."

"Oh. I thought you were talking about something important."

Luke waited.

"What the hell?"

He sighed, and then spoke again. "Nevermind. Seth's just the idiot trying (but failing) to kill me right now. Rath just decided to play with hazardous chemicals, meaning he'll most likely blow the lab up shortly," Luke finished. "Comprende?"

Malfoy was about to dissolve into the same nervous laughter which Harry was in because of the casual way Luke had said that Rath was slightly suicidal, but just decided to ignore Luke since he seemed to be a chronic liar.

"This seems like it's going to be a fun, fun year," Zack decided, way too happily.

"And if nobody minds... I'm now going to erase everyone's memory of this event," Luke mentioned.

Rath stopped trying to search for his textbook which had gone mysteriously missing. "You aren't going to make us forget, are you?"

"No. That's a waste of time and energy. Besides, all I'm really going to do is erase Malfoy, Harry, and Ron's memories. No one else was paying any attention whatsoever."

Seph laughed. "Is Ron really necessary? He didn't seem to get anything at all."

Luke paused, already finished with altering Malfoy's memory. "Well, maybe..."

Without an expression on his face, Rath turned to Ron. "Do you remember anything about the conversation that just took place?"

Ron stared at him. "What?"  
"That's good. You have a five-second, selective memory," Rath murmured.

Cloud shrugged. "Ignore them."

"That would probably be for the best..." Luke admitted.

Harry had stopped laughing and now had no clue as to the reason he had been laughing. "What just happened?" he asked Ron.

"Nothing. The exchange students were just being really confusing!" Ron replied as Snape walked into the classroom.  
Unfortunately, Neo was singing. "Let's do the time warp again!" He was dancing as well, Snape noticed.

"Five points from Gryffindor. Mr. Anderson, please sit down and be quiet," Snape said as he walked into place behind his desk.

"Geez, Neo. You're such a ditz!" Serena whispered to him.

"Five more points from Gryffindor. No speaking yet, Miss Tsukino," Snape added, causing all of the Gryffindor students to glare at the two exchange students. The entire class became silent. " Well, it's a new year _yet again_. I'm sure that everyone will try harder to not make as many mistakes as you have in the past." Meaningful looks passed over a few students. "As you know, a new year mean back to work." Snape paused. "Now, today we are making a potion for allergies. It is rather useful when dealing with dragons since the ingredients of the potion are things what they are allergic to. At the twentieth step, stop and call me over so a rather dangerous ingredient of this can be added." He waved his wand, and the instructions appeared on the chalkboard. "Start working. The completed potions shall be turned into me at the end of class."

* * *

Everyone then got to work. While the rest of the class was working efficiently, Rath was sneezing like there was no tomorrow. Luke sighed. "Would you please try to stop doing that?"

Rath sneezed. "It's not my fault I'm allergic to this stuff!" he protested as he accidentally knocked a large amount of paprika into the potion. "Shit! Now we have to start over!" he complained before sneezing again.

Luke looked at the board. "Maybe not..."

"Why do you say that?" Rath inquired.

Luke pointed at the chalkboard. "We were supposed to add that."

"So we were." Another sneeze. More ingredients were knocked into the potion.

"And that."

"What did the teacher say this was again?" Rath asked, trying to find a tissue to blow his nose on.

"An allergy-relieving potion," Luke replied, continuing to work on the potion.

"I get first dibs, then," Rath announced and then found a tissue.

Luke was about to call the professor over when Rath threw the then used tissue into the potion. "Please say you didn't just do that," Sephiroth said to Rath from the table next to them. He hadn't been doing anything at the moment since he had decided to just let Zack have free reign during potions class, meaning that Zack was doing all the work. Neither of them trusted Cloud to handle hazardous chemicals after he had just taken some painkillers.

"Huh?" Rath then looked at the potion. "It looks like the correct color... I think... What do you think I did---"

"You just threw that used tissue into the potion. It's not a trash can, you know. And we are being graded on this," Luke replied.

Neo turned around and glared at Luke. "Stop being the voice of reason, damn it!" Neo turned back around, and he and

Serena's potion spontaneously combusted. The resulting smoke and other byproducts caused Rath to sneeze again.

"You know, Rath does have a point," Cloud commented. "It does look like what's described on the board for the final product."

"That's true," Seph conceded. "Maybe it did turn out all right, even though you would owe that to chance..." He turned to Rath "Why the hell are you sneezing, anyway?"

"Allergies," Rath replied before his nose started running. Luke absentmindedly handed him another tissue. "Thanks."  
Luke shrugged and walked over to Snape's desk to turn in some of the potion. When he sat back down at his seat, Rath was staring at him. "What?"

"Well, since this is like allergy medicine---" Sneeze. "---do you think it would be---" Another sneeze. "---okay if I took some?"

"Please," Yuna said. She had been sitting behind them the entire time, and they hadn't realized. "You've almost caused me to mess up my potion ten times already."

"Neat!" Rath found a vial and took a shot of the potion. His symptoms cleared up immediately. "That worked well."

"Thank God!" Yuna said as she and Aeris finished up their potion.

* * *

Everyone in the classroom was glad when the bell rang, especially Snape. About two thirds of the exchange students had been in the room for only an hour and they already were getting on his nerves. The sneezing redhead in particular. The not-so-bright blonde, Tsukino, and Anderson, the equally intelligent kid with the black hair who was her lab partner, served as a comic relief which was anything but needed. Porcupine boy, Donovan, was one of the three students who had actually been working, but Snape doubted that that would continue. So far, the only serious students seemed to be the blond who had been working with the sneezer (_Was his name Walker?_) and the brunette who had been working with the girl who had been flirting with the kid with the broken leg.

But what would the _other_ six be like? Snape shuddered at the thought and waited for the next group of students to enter the classroom.


End file.
